I have reached a point in my life where I wonder if anyone really knows how badly depression hurts someone that has lost everything in life that means anything to them. I mean everything. When you look around you see that you are watching the world go by and it is ok because it is like you are not even there. You feel cold and numb almost to the point that you wonder what others actually do to be "so" happy and normal. I would give anything to be able to live a life that was not the one I have lived for 42 years. I would do so many things that I didnt get to do in this life.
Another weekend is upon me and I am gravely depressed and have decided to write healingwell before I go to bed after a long day of crying and sadness. I have decided to have my family make some decisions for my mental health. They are not decisions that I am sure of but for now I guess it will have to do. I have made promises to someone that I love more than life itself and for reasons that I have caused they have lost their faith. The same faith I have held on too as tightly as I could. I am tired and know that although I am true to what i say for once in my life I TRUST MYSELF to make promises. I am woman enough not to promise when I know that I cant keep it.
I am sitting here crying so hard that I am sure that I will break my heart wide open, but noone is here to hear it, that is why things have to change.
I will try to stay in touch with everyone as much as I can, God Bless you guys, you are my guardian angels.
One last thing......................
You know its time to say goodbye
when all you do is sit and cry
the days of joy that made you smile
are gone forever so quit with the denial!
So broken you know that it will never be the same
the days of sunshine and sunsets
are only a memory of what used to be
oh how you regret the things you couldnt see
The dream that you lived for will never again be there
the blame that you will carry and will
cannot hide behind the mask of smiles you always tried to
Where is your FAITH they ask as they look at you
"Oh, my faith you say, yes the word that brought me here,
well it is still within my heart you see
and will never disappear.
I will take it with me as it was the one
true friend I had
never did it leave me
when I needed it the most
it dried my tears with hope when I thought I
Never in FAITH'S eyes did I ever make a mistake,
For it knew my very heart
and forgave me what I could not change
And never did FAITH and I part.
Remember my FAITH was always strong
and true to my heart I was
I only wanted to be loved
As only a two percenter does.
" So hold her closer when she cries, hold her closer when she feels she needs a hand to hold, someone who will never let her go again. And hold him closer when he tries to hold the tears back from his eyes. Don't say goodbye."
Song: Hold Her Closer
Blessid Union of Souls
" True goodbyes are the ones never said or explained."