Bipolar & pregnant & dystimic father

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Date Joined Apr 2003
Total Posts : 646
   Posted 7/8/2007 3:50 PM (GMT -6)   
  Hi, my name is Sassy, I've visited here before.  This is the most distressing thing happening to our son and girlfriend affecting the whole family.  Last time on here I talked about our son who suffers with dystimia (chronic depression) & was into some light drugs and I couldn't deal too well.  Now his Bipolar girlfriend is pregnant, due at Christmas and has not and will not tell her divorced parents who basically abandened her for other spouses & their children.  Her mother suffers from Bipolar too.  
So, both are 18, both are extremely selfish, highly intelegent, and extremely immature.  They think they are keeping this child.  She does nothing ( except tell my son what to do ) and expects to be housed and fed by him (us).  We can hardly talk to them, because they go into angry or crying or baby like fits.  I understand this condition somewhat, as I suffer from mild depression and do well on anti-depressants.  I feel sorry for her, as her Dad, whom she was living with, didn't give a *** that she spent every night at our house.  We told her this couldn't continue, but they did it anyhow. 
She is off her meds now, and between the pregnancy hormones and bipolar, its hard to approach her.  Our son is the same.  He needs counciling or cognative therapy, but denies it. can we help him (them)???  I fear, the baby will be the biggest loser.  From what I understand, people with depression, & bipolar, often do not have a maternal instinct.  They are so focussed on themselves, that the child will suffer.  I mentioned Hope Adoption, and was told I was trying to manipulate them.  I see it as her manipulating him, as she did not want to move out of town with her father, became pregnant and hence our son carries it all on his shoulders.
I needed to get this out there, so sorry for the long post.  I know we do not want to have to raise another child now, and feel it is their responsibility to do so.  But I feel they are incapable of doing it. 
Does anybody have any advice on this?  What and how can we approach these kids?  If you are Bipolar, do you have any things to help us understand how she may be thinking? 
Sassy--greiving grandma to be.
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Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 2408
   Posted 7/9/2007 4:06 AM (GMT -6)   

HI Sassy and Welcome back.

From what you have described, it does sound like they would be incapable of raising a child properly at the moment. Unfortunately, there is very little that you can do if you don't have thier co-operation. The best thing would be to try and catch a moment where you can talk this through like rational adults (Although I understand that these moments are few and far between). If they are determined to keep the child and raise it as their own, then thats what will happen. Once the baby is born, they may change their mind and as long as the baby isnt too old, adopting him/her out to a caring family would have very little impact on him/her. As long as you feel that you have tried your best to try and prevent a problem then thats all anyone can ask of you. I understand that you are worried for all concerned, including the unborn baby, but sometimes you have to step back and let people make mistakes. Even the really big ones.

I hope this has been of some help to you. Keep us posted as to what is happening.
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Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 7/9/2007 6:22 AM (GMT -6)   
Oh Sassy
One of a parents worst nightmare is happening to you! I am so worried about my 19 year old daughter,and praying she never gets herself in that kind of trouble.

I know this is going to sound tough..but you might have to put your foot down with these kids. If they think they are old enough to support a baby then they both need to get off of their butts and get a job.
Maybe give them a deadline :(one month before the baby is born) that they are going to have to get a place of their own.
Remember Sassy,there are alot of programs that those kids can get help with. I know it is hard to tell your kids to get into the system to get on their feet...but it is either that or you are supporting them. And that is not going to be a healthy environment for anyone.

I had a baby at the young age of 18,and had no idea what it was going to be like. We had alot of hard times,but did make it. But,one of the reasons I credit for making it was that either of our families let us live off of them.
They made us do it on our own. They did help,and did come around to make sure things were going ok. I knew they were only a phone call away.
Sometimes tough love is the only way to get a kid to wake up.

Please keep us posted and stay strong!

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