venting

Hi, I'm pretty new to this board, but I really need some people who might understand to talk to.
I am just so tired of my life....I am 24 and since I was 12 I've had a very difficult time with friends and relationships..everything is a "weird" situation with me...i have never ending responses of people saying things like "wow that would only happen to you" or "poor thing" or "man that really sucks for you" and "how does that even happen?"
and i know im supposed to ignore what people say, but its so hard when you agree...but couldnt things be sooo much worse? yes?
im just so tired of things working out for me in a bad/weird way, never a good way. im tired of losing friends and guys because some little thing went wrong.
I just want to focus on the good, but what is there? My dad says I have so much potential, but you could've said that about me for years, and my potential has gotten me nowhere...I'm still lonely, depressed, and "weird."

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-Jenni

"whats so wrong with being happy? kudos to those who see through sickness" -Incubus

Jenni462:

I am at work and I also had an intense therapy session today but I wanted to reach out to you as much as I can and say I'm sorry things are so tough. However, I am 42, am still "weird" and I pride myself on being a "freak". Weird to me means "unique" non-conforming, has her eyes open, says what she means, calls people on their rudeness etc. Not BAD.

Are you in counseling? I hope so, I know it's helping me immensely to talk to someone. I think it would be good for you to talk with a counselor. You are so down on yourself and that's a place I can relate to. I think you really need help and that you DESERVE help.

Take care dear

:)

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“Alright Brain, you don't like me, and I don't like you. But lets just do this, and I can get back to killing you with beer.” - Homer Simpson

“Good counsel failing men can give, why? He that's aground knows where the shoal doth lie” - Benjamin Franklin


“When we turn to one another for counsel we reduce the number of our enemies.” - Kahlil Gibran

Thank you so much for taking the time to respond. I usually do take pride in the fact that I am weird, but it's that weird things happen TO me that causes such problems...and there are times when I've caused it and times when I just can't see how or why any of it happened.
I can be very opinionated and perhaps that comes off as rude more often than I hope it would, but I don't know how to fix it, or even if I want to...but when will this pattern of losing people ever end? I think I am a pretty good person in general and I think I deserve some good things...we all do :(
I just want to be surprised for once; maybe make a great new friend, or meet a guy who I can really be with...but it never does.

I am starting to talk to a therapist but it is so hard to stick with them, because for me they are usually not such a big help.

Jenni I have been there. I'm not sure where you are/the availability of counselors, but if one counselor doesn't fit, then try another one. I've been to 6 counselors over the course of 42 years and of them all, 2 really helped me. One of the 2 I am seeing now and I never thought I would be able to tell another person (other than my husband) the things I've been able to share with her. And feel safe.

Your second post I could also relate to....why did this weird thing happen? It must have been my fault. It's taking me a lot to realize that not everything is my fault too. Of course we all make mistakes, but are blaming yourself for everything?

As I said I want to write more but this morning's counseling session was intense. However I am learning that it is okay to say "I am tired/stressed/overwhelmed but I care about what is happening to you, I just can't give you much right now except my support." So please understand I want to give you more right now but I can't . But I hope to talk with you again.

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“Alright Brain, you don't like me, and I don't like you. But lets just do this, and I can get back to killing you with beer.” - Homer Simpson

“Good counsel failing men can give, why? He that's aground knows where the shoal doth lie” - Benjamin Franklin


“When we turn to one another for counsel we reduce the number of our enemies.” - Kahlil Gibran

I know I really need to stick with one to give it a shot, I give up on them way too easily.

...and I know I need to stop wondering why this stuff happens to me, because bad stuff just happens to good people, and thats that....it's trying to accept it and live with the bad stuff that's the really hard part...and also ignore the people, who may have their own problems to deal with, when they say stuff to continue to bring me down.

I hope your session this morning helped you although you may be overwhelmed now and thank you so much again for your responses, I hope to chat more.

Jenni
Actually what is "not weird???? I too am weird..I cry for no reason ( or so they all think) I scream, I laugh at stupid things and at times I just don't deal with anyone for weeks.

I often think of myself as the one and only "bad luck". It seems that no matter how good I try to be to people or just to myself in general I get crapped on,hurt and cheated.

Life throws us major curves,it steals our soul and tests us to where we don't think we would ever be able to pull ourselves up.

I have been feeling like that so much these days that I often wonder what I am even doing as a mod on this site.

I do think that us as depressed people are probably the strongest ones there are. Who else could walk around each day with a half smile when we really feel like falling to our knees and crying until there are no more tears left?

Shy

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Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia
Meds I have taken throughout the years:Wellbutrin,Tranxene,Paxil,Prozac,Valium,
Currently taking none.
www.healingwell.com/donate


www.myspace.com/ShynSassy315

"I am woman,hear me roar one day and cry the next!!!"

ShynSassy

you should stay/be a mod because you UNDERSTAND. Maybe someone else might be more "together" whatever that means, but YOU know about depression. When you reply to someone's post, they know you have FELT the same way, you didn't just read it in a book. You have felt it and that means more than I can ever tell you. We need you here.

:)

Jenni462 I hope you stick with therapy and if you don't feel comfortable with one therapist, try another. Let me know how you are doing.

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“Good counsel failing men can give, why? He that's aground knows where the shoal doth lie” - Benjamin Franklin

“When we turn to one another for counsel we reduce the number of our enemies.” - Kahlil Gibran

Hi Jenni,

I can relate to some of the things you've written here. I haven't put my finger on it, but it seems like things go in cycles sometimes. You know, phrases like "when it rains it pours", etc. I've found that if I'm in a "bad place" whether that's my attitude or just all of the negative energy around me, things seem to just "happen". I recently had a bunch of problems with my wife, my business, my finances, and I even had two computers totally die on me - all within a couple of weeks. It got to where it was laughable and I found myself saying, "what else could possibly happen?" By the way, don't ever say that out loud because there's PLENTY that could still happen! ;-)

On the flip side, I've found that when I'm in a "good place" as far as my attitude and outlook (that's a big one), things tend to go my way and come to me easier than the norm. As I said, I haven't put my finger on it as far as if it's energy (you get what you put out there) or attitude (ditto) or demeanor (same), but I do know that if you can get yourself into a better frame of mind (I know, easier said than done...), you might just see some positive changes.

I hope that helped even a little teeny bit!

Take care and I'll keep reading your posts. The great people here in this forum are listening and we all care about you.

Rick...

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I know a girl
She puts the color inside of my world
But she's just like a maze
Where all of the walls all continually change

And I've done all I can
To stand on her steps with my heart in my hand
Now I'm starting to see
Maybe it’s got nothing to do with me

~ Lyrics from "Daughters" by John Mayer

Goddess
I have known the deepest depression,wish I could say that I had just read about it in a book. But then again we all do.

I am glad that you are here,you have alot of great advice and you also understand


Shy

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Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia
Meds I have taken throughout the years:Wellbutrin,Tranxene,Paxil,Prozac,Valium,
Currently taking none.
www.healingwell.com/donate


www.myspace.com/ShynSassy315

"I am woman,hear me roar one day and cry the next!!!"