I am so glad that you are back,and that you are able to express how you feel. That is a huge step in healing I have found.
It is normal to become a good liar..that comes with depression. We walk around and smile,fake laugh because we don't want anyone to know how we really feel. Our pride takes over with strangers it seems.
I have dealt with depression since I was a child. I am now 37 and can finally wake up and know I am safe.
I had to make drastic changes in my life though to come this far. I had to move to a different city. I had to let my ex husband have full custody of my son who had become so violent that I feared for my life many times.
Last year I was sitting outside with my boyfriend and I realized that I was ok. It took me by surprise believe me.
It was a long road getting here and I still struggle with the depression and anxiety attacks. But I am have been med free for 3 years now and work very hard to stay that way. Believe me though there are days that I just want to give in.
I am telling you this because I really believe that it just "hits" you at once. It is almost like your mind and body releases the depression after all of your hard work.
You will wake up one day and be ok. It is going to be a long haul and there are days that you just want to give up.But you have to be strong and try to pull some type of positive out of the days.
I remember locking myself in the bathroom and crying for hours and then finally falling asleep on the bathroom floor. I remember not answering the phone for days,or calling into work for a few days because I just did not have it in me to face anyone. I hated myself,I hated my life and I hated everyone around me.
By being able to come to this site Wizzer and telling us what is going on with you,and then offering your advice to others in need,I really think that is a HUGE step towards healing.
Please stay strong
Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia
Meds I have taken throughout the years:Wellbutrin,Tranxene,Paxil,Prozac,Valium,
Currently taking none.www.healingwell.com/donatewww.myspace.com/ShynSassy315
"I am woman,hear me roar one day and cry the next!!!"