as a fellow struggler with depression (sorry for the atrocity of that grammar but it is summer) i just wanted everyone to know they are loved and whatever they obstacle you are facing...you can beat it! I would give every one of you a hug if I could! my prayers are with everyone
ive actually been doing great lately which has been awesome, but up until this month i had been at a pretty low point, although i have pretty much been able to stop self-destructive behaviors the raw feeling behind why i did it in the first place were still very present in my life. I did my best to hide this from all my friends and family because i tend to feel tremendous amounts of guilt when i am depressed bc i feel like im bringing everyone else down so i usually just bottle it all in, put a smile on and go for a run.
Latley ive been working out a lot to avoid feeling to low (got to love endorphins, although i always have to be careful that im running for the right reasons because i have struggled with eating disorders for the past 3 yrs because of having Body dysmorphic disorder). Being a competive swimmer (well actually my mom makes me swim altough im really not a huge fan so its a secondary sport for me which comes after karate soccer competiting in snowboarding, and ski racing) every meet and practice is a challange for me bc i hate being in a bathing suit. sometimes when im changing ill look in the mirror and just lose it and start crying, but i hate crying in front of people and avoid it as much as possible.
It actually feels pretty good to write this out bc i rarely let myself be vulnerable. I also always feel like i have no right to be upset bc i am really lucky in life so i always feel bad when i feel down, bc God wants me to be a light in the world and i cant be when im depressed. I also dont really have time to be down bc i have 6 younger sibilings who always need my attention, help, and optimism. I also teach karate so i force myself to be happy and cheery so i can give my best to the students...so i tend to just have crying attacks on occasion where i just cant stop crying and basically lose control.
sorry about the vent guys
Through my weakness He is stronger
Burning for God forever