Posted 7/18/2007 8:41 AM (GMT -7)
I feel for you. I had a friend who went through the same thing. Unfortunately to top things all off, a day or so after she had the abortion, her boyfriend's father was killed in a car accident. And things only went downhill from there. Unfortunately, and partially because of all this, we are no longer friends. What you went through cannot be brushed off. You don't go through an abortion, particularly an unwanted one, and just wake up the next morning and go, hey, everything is cool. I was faced with the same issue as you. I told my parents 5 days before my 19th birthday that I was expecting. Thankfully they were very supportive and supported my decision to have my son. Unfortunately the "father" didn't and disappeared. He wanted me to have an abortion. Emotionally a pregnancy no matter how it ends, for the better or worse, will effect the rest of your life. Had I gone through with an abortion, my life would not have just gone back to normal the next day. It would've been something I'd have had to live with the rest of my life. A heavy burden to bear. But having my son also changed my life forever too. And not necessarily all for the better. My depression hit full whack after he was born and I had severe post partum depression that was untreated and undiagnosed. I've only come to realize what it was almost 10 years later. And my son and I are still trying to deal with the fallouts of everything that went wrong. For women, pregnancy changes their lives forever. Men can walk away. We can't. Emotionally you are connected right from the moment you find out you're expecting, even in ways you may not fully realize. I miscarried a child at 2 mths. I was barely along, nothing was showing. But it was heart wrenching. And being young probably only makes it worse because you often don't have the support you really need, nor the stability in your life to really get back on your feet by yourself. You need to see a doctor and get some counselling. Don't let this ruin the rest of your life. But you need to mourn and heal, which all takes time. Gosh my mother-in-law passed away over 2 years ago, and we're still mourning. Losing a baby, no matter what stage of pregnancy you are at, is a loss and like all losses, you need to mourn it and find some peace so you can move forward with your very young life. And don't discount your feelings or let others tell you that what you are going through is no big deal. It is a huge deal... And if you're family takes that stance, they are in denial of what they just put you through. But by being in denial, they don't have to take their share of the blame for it either. In their minds, they probably think they did the best thing for you. But I know in my friend's case, I don't think she has ever fully forgiven her mother for what she forced her to do. And she lost almost all her friends from that period in her life. And they've never had any more children (to my knowledge) and they originally had planned on 6. So what you've been through is a life changing situation. Don't let anyone tell you it's not. Take care of yourself.