Ok, so I was on another forum, not related to HealingWell, for another disease that I have, and I basically said that people who don't have a disease can't understand what that's like. Not so controversial, right? Well, admittedly, I didn't say it in the nicest possible way, and the context was a thread in which a bunch of mothers of children with this disease were posting. Nevertheless, I still feel that my basic point was valid, and I apologized for the way I said it (which wasn't that terrible to begin with.) Anyhow, next thing I know, I've got 6 or 7 different people posting and attacking me personally, stating that I'm stupid, evil, you name it, and that I will never understand the disease the way they do, even though I actually have it. So I wrote about
why I felt that way, which involved stories of my own mother and how clueless she was when it came to my disease. Some people then backtracked, but most kept bashing me in very personal and insulting ways. So then I bade farewell to the few people who had been nice to me, saying that the whole exchange made me tired and that I need a support group and I felt I wasn't getting it there, and now there are a bunch of posts basically saying good riddance, and one stating that she's familiar with me and that I'm a troublemaker on other forums. I haven't got a clue what she's talking about
. That forum is the only one where I post using my real first name, so she's probably got me confused with another poster with my same name. I have done nothing but try to be helpful to people to the best of my ability, including all of my other posts on that forum, and have never pissed anyone off that I know of except in that one circumstance. Besides, what's wrong with disagreeing?
I posted in the first place because some girl who reminded me of me was complaining about how depressed she was, and she sounded suicidal to me, and all the mothers were saying things like shut up and buck up, or even "My seven-year-old son handles this disease better than you." That made me mad, because first of all I felt for her depression, and I felt those were terrible things to say to someone who's depressed, ESPECIALLY if you don't yourself have the disease.
Anyway, so now I think that I really have to go back to my psychiatrist, because this whole thing has me really depressed, and why should I be depressed over some on-line high-school-like clique? I mean, other than the fact that I went there looking for support that I don't have in real life and managed to get stomped on by the people there? The HW group seems really nice, but now I'm afraid of being treated like crap here, too. I have no support system other than on-line. If I can't express how I really feel, based on the experiences I've had, then what is a support group for? And why am I crying over this? God, I do need help. And I'm mad that the forum moderators didn't step in and put a halt to the Jenn-bashing, but I guess the site is too huge for them to monitor everything. Anyway, thanks for listening. It just bugs me that they don't even know me, and act like they do, and that it seems like some people are such jerks. I mean, I AM their very own child, twenty years further down the road, and they couldn't find it in their hearts to cut some slack for a beaten, lonely little kid still dealing with all this crap? I feel so alone.