This afternoon i left home ,am on my way up to see the surgeon who operated on me .I already know the news is not going to be good i have tried to ignore it but i can`t.
I have my oldest daughter with me she is 23 and normally we get on so well and she has been there for me ,but the past month or so she hasn`t had the time so i`ve just kept to myself .Saturday i cleaned out my large fish tank then had to go to bed mid morning because of a debilitating migraine was still sick sunday but had to get up and do the washing for the kids for school monday only to find all my fish dead in their tank .Later that day my 19yr old daughter (the one with ADHD) tells me she put boiling water from the kettle in their tank because she thought their water was too cold .I`m just so fed up with this child i just can`t take anymore of her .
So tonight while driving for three hours i have cried so much my daughter has been telling me of all her problems and i just sit there driving thinking to myself how sad i am and all the problems i`m having with no one to even tell but thats ok i`m the mum i shouldn`t have any thing wrong .Just the fact that i`m just so dissappointed in everything i have done ,my family and everything but thats ok mum will be there to help you get throught ( but who`s going to help mum )
I kissed my huaband good bye as i left maybe for the last time i just don`t know i don`t know what i want or where i even want to be if to even be anywhere .
Sorry just to go on but i needed to get this all out .