Posted 7/23/2007 10:30 AM (GMT -6)
Help everyone, i really don't know what to do. I think i'm having a panic attack. My heart is going ten to the dozen, my hands are freezing but are sweating, I feel sick and dizzy and light headed and I feel like crying.
Every bit of me feels edgy and I am currently feeling so uncomfortable, like I don't want to be in my body.
I havn't been able to concentrate all day and can't stop thinking bad thoughts.
I was out y/day with my bf family my stepdad and some friends, it was a mini festival thing and yes I drunk too much, my stepdad and I fell out and I was walking upstairs crying and my bf was at thetop of the hill with 2 of his friends. I accused him that they were laughing at me and they hate me, and that he's rather be with them than me and blah blah just ranting. I don't know if he or I was in the wrong but I feel so weird today like I don't know whether he was laughing or if I am imagining it. To be truthful I was with 7 women and he was himself, the only other male there was his 14 yr old bother. Has he got the right to go and stand with them and not be with me or am I being unreasonable??
Today I honestly can't tell reality from whats going on in my head. Its like when I think something I cant tell whether its true or not.
I went home last night and fell out with all my family and bf then stormed upstairs and went to bed. I woke up at like 3am, and tossed and turned last night worrying about stupid things and I havn't slept since.
Today at work has been a nightmare.
I have had in my head since like 10am (it was just a thought that came into my head that hasn't left. that my bf doesn't love me anymore and that he is going to end our relationship and tell everyone I am a psycho and leave me for those friends he was with y/day. I don't know why this has came into my head as he hasn't mentioned anything or acted out of the ordinary, except he has been a bit angry recently but he is really tired and hates his job.
I phoned him at hiswork at 7 15 this morning, he works as a welder. to ask him if his mum had fell out with me and he said no shes ok and didnt say bye and hung up. He did sound harrassed and tired (he got his nose broken on sat too) but that made me feel a bit worse.
I am scared to death that he is going to dump me that is ehat seems to have brought on the 'panic attack' for all that I feel weird towards him the minute I think I'm not gonna have him here anymore I freak.
I love him and so don't wanna lose him. I know I sound totally crazy in this post but I have no-one to talk to as I'm at work and they don't really bother about how I'm feeling and I just need to get it out. i feel so down I just don't know what to do. Please help any advice any of you have would be so much appreciated.
** Don't Compare Your Insides With Everyone Elses Outsides **