It sounds like you are having a panic attack, and it does sound like you are having a very bad and confusing day. What I would do is this....when you get home from work, try to sleep. (Hold on, hear me out.) I know it's very hard to sleep when your panicking, but you need to try. A lot of the time things DO look much better in the morning, and less confusing. I worry that if you continue to act on your confusion and lash out against your boyfriend, you may lose him. It will become a self-fulfilling prophecy. The more you worry and the more you let him know that you're worried the more likely it is that he won't understand and will just get mad, so I think the best thing to do would be to maybe not call him tonight and give everybody a chance to just be apart from each other for a while and calm down. Absence does make the heart grow fonder, even if it's only a night. Gee, I'm just full of useful aphorisms today, aren't I? Seriously though, I have been in your shoes, and whenever I was worried about
a boyfriend and tried to reassure myself by calling him to "feel out" what was going on, I just drove him nuts and drove him away. Men really don't seem to like it when women need reassuring.
Finally, if the panic is an on-going thing, see a psychiatrist. Please don't let it overwhelm you and ruin your life and your ability to see things clearly. I remember feeling that way all the time and it sucks.
I don't know, this may be really crappy advice, but that's just the way it seems to me. Of course, you know your boyfriend and your history together a hell of a lot better than I do, so take everything I say with a grain of salt. But overall, I don't think some time apart to recoup would be such a bad idea under any circumstances. And do try to get some sleep. Most likely you'll feel better when you wake up. I hope you feel better and that things with your boyfriend improve.
29 yo female with two fuzzy children: a Pom named Snuggles and a Pom mix named PomPom.
Health History: Type I diabetes (19 years), allergies/asthma, hypothyroidism, osteopenia & multiple fractures, iron-deficiency anemia, Crohn's (of course), and depression (go figure.)
Crohn's History: May have had it since I was 11 (1988-89), definitely have had it since I was 15, was diagnosed when I was 25 (2003), was un-diagnosed in 2005 and re-diagnosed June 2007.