y'know we've probably all been there in one form or another. Having to make a really tough decision and not knowing or fully understanding/appreciating the consequences. Sometimes you need to find a way to step back and try to evaluate the situation as if you were looking at it from the point of view of a third person and what would you tell yourself to do. It doesn't always work. But the truth is sometimes what we fear the most turns out to never materialize. You could dump this guy and as a result your friends may have renewed faith in you to do the right thing for yourself, and blip someone better comes along who also senses your renewed belief in yourself and your abilities. Unless you dump him you will never know. That first step is always the scariest and most difficult but without it, man wouldn't have walked on the moon or done so many other amazing things. You are stronger than you realize and you need to dig deep down inside and believe in your ability to weather this storm. And sometimes the hardest person to love and nurture is ourselves. And it's hard to find a meaningful, lasting relationship if you have no faith in yourself. People sense that. You have to look to yourself first before you can look to others to find meaning in your life. No one else but you can provide that. Others can support it but the initial bit has to come from within. Sometimes that means making hard choices and standing up for ourselves. I'm in a pretty tough situation right now and I don't have a way out cause I can't walk out on my kids, I can't do anything about
my husband's shift work job, I can't change the fact I suffer with depression, at least not without support and when I'm alone to deal with everything by myself most of the time, it's very hard. I can't change the fact I was a 19 year old mom who had to give up everything to even be here today, and part of giving everything up was giving up my dreams, my education. I am 30 years old and still can only say I have my highschool diploma. I'm embarassed by that. But due to a failed business of my husband's four years ago, I can't get funding to go back to school. I'm stuck in a job I don't like because it provides flexible hours and good pay. How can I leave that without jeopardizing the little bit of stability my children have in their lives? So you see, I envy you simply having the choice to make the decision to get out or stay. I don't even have that choice. And you don't even know how lucky you are for having that choice, that power. You need to tap into it and exercise it. Don't let a bad relationship ruin the rest of your life. Get out before it's too late. Get out, go to the spa for a manicure and massage, buy yourself a new outfit (if you can afford all this of course) and pamper yourself. Then go out somewhere with friends and have a good time. Who knows maybe somebody will see you happy with yourself and really be drawn to that, and who knows.... Anything could happen, but it won't if you don't make the hard choice to get out of a bad relationship that is holding you back from living. You are afraid to be alone but by staying in this relationship, that's exactly what you'll accomplish in the end. Sorry for the ramble but when you have no power to change your life and see someone who does, it's hard not to say, hey, you have the power, why aren't you exercising it? It's like my sister. God, when I was her age, I was half way through my pregnancy (she's 11 years younger than me in case you are wondering) and I see her wasting her time and her life and I think, stop complaining and get out and do something about
your life. So what if a part of your dreams isn't working out exactly as you planned, sometimes what you want comes from a very different direction and you won't know unless you try something, anything. Anyways, I hope you don't take offence to any of this. I know with depression everything is easier said than done. We are our own worst enemies most of the time. I too have alienated a lot of friends over the years. It seems at the time it is easier to push people away than let them in, but in the long run we just end up even lonelier. Depression is a tough ride. My true metal will be tested when I'm finally free to follow my dreams. Will I have the gutts to get out there and do it, even if I am the oldest student in the class? It will definitely be difficult. But I am looking forward to being tested some day.... Maybe not soon, but some day. Anyways, take care and I hope you make the right decision. Sometimes that alone will lift an amazing weight from our shoulders!
It would be easier to tell people I have cancer than it is to tell them I am severely depressed.....
Post Edited (slowlygoingcrazy) : 7/24/2007 8:07:21 PM (GMT-6)