Just thought I'd give a bit of an update. Only been glancing through things recently, as really don't have the strength to try to help other people.
2 days ago my mum phoned, and told me none of family are coming too my wedding reception. I was sort of expecting it, but it still really took my breath away with shock.
Phoned my Gran up, see if I could get anymore sense out of her. She's taken all my mum's lies as fact. And, that I'm disowning them all after wedding, as fact. Tried too point out, I'd only threatened disowning people, after arguments with my mum. Anyway, after enough shouting, I just said fine. If you don't want to come too my wedding reception, because you wil be uncomfortable, you aint coming too my wedding either, because the same people will be there.
Noone's got back in touch.
I've wore pink every day this week, infact i looked like a marshmellow yesterday. Just too try give myself a boost back into reality.
I've spent the last couple of days just on autopilot.
I've spent every day for the last week or so, round at Paul's mum's house. Cooing over my little newborn nephew. I try to say in the house, but I just feel so alone. While I'm round there, baby cuddles are in vast amounts. Nothing better than a baby too cure your depression. Trouble is, I come home and I feel even worse. I have to give Kain back at the end of the day.
I realy can't wait till September, when I start too see my psychiatrist, because I'm hoping she can stop things hurtng so bad. Or, if she can find a way of helpig me too deal with things better.
As it is, a little happyness, and I jump on it with both feet and lots of enthusiasm. But because I jump on so fast, when the happiness wear's away again, I'm left sprawled on the floor, feeling worse than I did in the first place.
I keep telling myself, I need too get a grip.
It feels as though te bubbley happy part of me is sinking in quick sand, and soon that part of me is going to be lost. But I can't find anyway too save it.
I know this should be the hapiest time of my life, but yet I'm finding myself more and more depressed:(
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Woe to the child which when kissed on the forehead tastes salty. She is bewitched and soon must die.
Diagnosed with: Cystic Fibrosis, Asthma, ABPA, Clinical Depression, Mild liver cirrohsis, mild osteopenia. Waiting for final diagnosis on Muscular Dystrophy type symptoms.
Medication: Creon 10,000, Flucloxacillin, Vitamins A,D+E, Tobi nebuliser, Serevent, Salbutamol, Sertraline, Odansetron, Nefopam, Ciprofloxacin, Ursodeoxycholic Acid, Omeprazole.
Had a Port-a-cath fitted on chest wall since 11th Nov 05