Hey guys, just in need of another random whinge again, Sorry
I feel so sad inside, and it feels like my heart is breaking, I have a load of anger, and I'm not quite sure where it's come from.
Things have been stressfull recently, but not stressfull to warrent the anger, I'm sure of it. I've been so snappy and bitter towards anything and everyone.
My mood has been so up and down recently, it seems to be when my moods up, I have a good amount of energy, so can bounce around doing stuff quite happily. But, then depression kicks in, and it makes me tired and lethargic.
The trouble is, the tiniest little thing can turn me from happy to sad, from lively to tired, from care-free to really angry at everything.
When the rage kicks in, all positive energy turns into negative, and I try to do stuff to get rid of it, but then I feel exhausted, but still feel agitated.
Not only is my mood affected, but so is my appetite.
For the last 3 days, I've hardley eaten anything or drunk anything. I decided yesterday to go to the shop to get food. But there was nothing that didn't make me feel queezy. I eventualy just settled for sweets and snacks. Because snacking, is better than not eating at all.
I really should get used to my mum, but she's upset me again this morning.
She'd said that instead of helping with the wedding, she was giving us £100 towards it. Which was fine by me. I avoided saying anything about it, while we were arguing, because, well, I'd just not get the money. And we've already worked that money into our budget for the catering.
She rang up today, to say she was back off her holiday, spoke for a good half hour about how great it was (Yes, it's obviously me who's self-obsessed, and yes, this is the holiday that she was moaning about, that was stressing her out last week.) I just mumbeld yer great. She eventually topped, so I slipped in about money, and oh my god, you'd think I'd just shouted at her and demanded it such was the reply. Infact here's the reply:
'Yes Gemma, I know I said I'd give you the money on my next payday, which is Friday, I told you that, but I thought we were supposed to be going to the costco together. I booked off work for you and everything. I said I'd buy all the food for you'
Now, bearing in mind, that she said she'd give me the money back in April.
I asked her when she had booked off work, to go to the cost co. Her reply was 2 days before the wedding. She'd somehow decided to ignore the fact I had a humungus chest freezer here. One that you could fit me into twice. And that we'd have nowhere to store food.
Basically she's managed to rope herself back into the wedding that she wanted nothing to do with. And, I'm hugely relying on her for the money.
Oh, I think I might have just found the reason for my anger, for today anyway.
I really feel like tearing my hair out. Why does she do this to me everytime I talk to her?
Co-moderator in the: Cystic Fibrosis Forums
Woe to the child which when kissed on the forehead tastes salty. She is bewitched and soon must die.
Diagnosed with: Cystic Fibrosis, Asthma, ABPA, Clinical Depression, Mild liver cirrohsis, mild osteopenia. Waiting for final diagnosis on Muscular Dystrophy type symptoms.
Medication: Creon 10,000, Flucloxacillin, Vitamins A,D+E, Tobi nebuliser, Serevent, Salbutamol, Sertraline, Odansetron, Nefopam, Ciprofloxacin, Ursodeoxycholic Acid, Omeprazole.
Had a Port-a-cath fitted on chest wall since 11th Nov 05