I thought I'd kvetch (yiddish for "*****") about
my life for awhile, because I have no one else to really vent to. As you can see from my signature, I have a number of serious health issues, not all of which are listed. That means I always have a certain level of "background stress" no matter what. Then in April, I fell and broke my ankle in two places and had to have surgery. I was then in a wheelchair for three months, and had to live with my parents almost the whole time. I just gave all that up a week or so ago. Life with my mom was strained to say the least, because she resented having to take care of me, and of course I hate not being independent. Then I found out the Crohn's is back with a vengeance, which is what is causing my diabetes to be out of control, too, because I'm not absorbing sugars like I should, so my blood sugar drops to practically nothing and I lose conciousness on a regular basis, and let me tell you how much fun that is. I have been going to the doctor 2-3 times a week since April: ophthalmologist, endocrinologists, the OB/GYN, my orthopedists/surgeons, allergist/asthmatist, PT, GI, etc. They all want to run tests on me out the wazoo. (Sometimes quite literally.)
I have horrible health insurance, and have spent $10000 out of pocket thus far this year ($4500 for the ankle, and the bills are still rolling in) and my take-home pay is only $22k. I'm 29 and I can't afford groceries because I need to pay for my medications, and I'm sick of hearing about how "only" the elderly have that problem. I have been eating Ramen non-stop for forever, because it's all I can afford. No fruit or veggies for me. My job is very insecure, but I'm so tired from the Crohn's that I can't seem to make myself study for certification so I can get a real job (Defined as: one with actual benefits). So the question for me is this: am I depressed because my clinical depression is back and my meds are pooping out, or is this merely the side effect of a hard life, and if so, would different meds even help? I need some relief; I want to feel better, at least emotionally, but my diseases won't ever go away and therefore my financial issues won't either. I'm contemplating immigrating to a country that actually cares about people like me and provides health care to at least some extent, or marrying a soldier so I can get Tricare, or commiting a crime so I can go to jail and get my health care that way. It bothers me that given a choice between having one of my life-threatening diseases taken away and getting universal health care or health insurance, I would choose the insurance. I can deal with my diseases and the constant threat of death. Just don't make me have to constantly fret about how to pay for them. I just want to be happy, and I can't be with all this stress. Is that too much to ask?
Ok, thanks for listening. End of rant.