When the lines between clinical and situational depression blur....

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Regular Member

Date Joined Jul 2007
Total Posts : 102
   Posted 7/29/2007 7:34 PM (GMT -6)   
I thought I'd kvetch (yiddish for "*****") about my life for awhile, because I have no one else to really vent to.  As you can see from my signature, I have a number of serious health issues, not all of which are listed.  That means I always have a certain level of "background stress" no matter what.  Then in April, I fell and broke my ankle in two places and had to have surgery.  I was then in a wheelchair for three months, and had to live with my parents almost the whole time.  I just gave all that up a week or so ago.  Life with my mom was strained to say the least, because she resented having to take care of me, and of course I hate not being independent.  Then I found out the Crohn's is back with a vengeance, which is what is causing my diabetes to be out of control, too, because I'm not absorbing sugars like I should, so my blood sugar drops to practically nothing and I lose conciousness on a regular basis, and let me tell you how much fun that is.  I have been going to the doctor 2-3 times a week since April: ophthalmologist, endocrinologists, the OB/GYN, my orthopedists/surgeons, allergist/asthmatist, PT, GI, etc.  They all want to run tests on me out the wazoo.  (Sometimes quite literally.) 
I have horrible health insurance, and have spent $10000 out of pocket thus far this year ($4500 for the ankle, and the bills are still rolling in) and my take-home pay is only $22k.  I'm 29 and I can't afford groceries because I need to pay for my medications, and I'm sick of hearing about how "only" the elderly have that problem.  I have been eating Ramen non-stop for forever, because it's all I can afford.  No fruit or veggies for me.  My job is very insecure, but I'm so tired from the Crohn's that I can't seem to make myself study for certification so I can get a real job (Defined as: one with actual benefits).  So the question for me is this: am I depressed because my clinical depression is back and my meds are pooping out, or is this merely the side effect of a hard life, and if so, would different meds even help?  I need some relief; I want to feel better, at least emotionally, but my diseases won't ever go away and therefore my financial issues won't either.  I'm contemplating immigrating to a country that actually cares about people like me and provides health care to at least some extent, or marrying a soldier so I can get Tricare, or commiting a crime so I can go to jail and get my health care that way.  It bothers me that given a choice between having one of my life-threatening diseases taken away and getting universal health care or health insurance, I would choose the insurance.  I can deal with my diseases and the constant threat of death.  Just don't make me have to constantly fret about how to pay for them.  I just want to be happy, and I can't be with all this stress.  Is that too much to ask? 
Ok, thanks for listening.  End of rant.   

29 yo female with two fuzzy children: a Pom named Snuggles and a Pom mix named PomPom.
Health History: Type I diabetes (19 years), allergies/asthma, hypothyroidism, osteopenia & multiple fractures, iron-deficiency anemia, Crohn's (of course), and depression (go figure.)
Crohn's History:  May have had it since I was 11 (1988-89), definitely have had it since I was 15, was diagnosed when I was 25 (2003), was un-diagnosed in 2005 and re-diagnosed June 2007.   

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 2408
   Posted 7/30/2007 2:54 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi there,
You know you will alwauys be welcome to have a rant here. I am not surprised that you are stressed with all that going on! As for why your depressed, i'd wager that its the amount of stress you have! Unfortunately, some if it will not go away. You are always going to have to pay out for meds but hopefully when the Crohns dies down again, that will be one less thing to pay for. Also, your Crohns is probably back due to stress as well! I know money is tight but it sounds like you need a weekend away. Nothing exotic (as im guessing, like me, you cant afford it) but maybe a weeekend in a quiet place. Isnt Ohio near Texas? (I might be wrong!) Shy might know some good places to get away in Ohio. Other members may have ideas as well.
As for emigrating, every country is the same to a greater or lesser degree. As a foreigner, you would find it difficult getting insurance on mainland Europe (Germany, France, Spain, Greece etc...) since they dont have a National Health Service. (I dont think). In the UK, we have one but its about as much use as a chocolate fireguard. To be treated on the NHS would involve a lot of red tape though. I hear Australia is nice... lots of Brits emigrate there!!
I hope things pick up for you and you can get rid of some of your stress
Stay Strong
Everyone has a guardian angel. They help pick you up when you fall, comfort you through your times of need and help you appreciate the times when things are going well.
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Co-Moderator - Depression Forum
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Veteran Member

Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 7/31/2007 6:32 AM (GMT -6)   

Ok,the first thing I want to approach is the financial part of your life. I am not sure where you are,but we have alot of financial help for meds for people with a low income. The easiest place to check out is going to your local hospital (hopefully it is state owned...) and then talk to them about financial help. Make sure they have their own pharmacy. Then if you qualify then you would be able to get your meds almost free,and your services.
If that does not work what about going to your state agency and asking for help..you might qualify for some type of medicaid service. Even if you get a discounted service.
And do not be too proud to ask for food assistance.
You have to do what you need to in order to survive.
Is there anyway that you can take one day off during the week and do all of that?

Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia
Meds I have taken throughout the years:Wellbutrin,Tranxene,Paxil,Prozac,Valium,
Off of all meds at this time...woohoo!!

"I am woman,hear me roar one day and cry the next!!!"

Post Edited (ShynSassy) : 8/1/2007 6:03:54 AM (GMT-6)

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