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Regular Member

Date Joined Jul 2007
Total Posts : 68
   Posted 8/6/2007 6:05 PM (GMT -6)   

I was curious; coming out of a depressive episode, would one remember and be able to differentiate between the false feelings of indifference to another being or thing?  To further explain my question, a person experienceing an episode may feel they do not love/care for their spouse/loved one anymore because the depression pretty much kills that emotion off when the episode comes on.  After the episode subsides and the person is once again balanced, would they be able to remember how they felt and know it was a direct result of their depression and try and rectify any problems caused because of it or would one just let it go and move on assuming the bridge has totally been burnt?

I ask this because there are a few of us on this board that have spouses/partners going through a terrible bout of depression.  The depression has convinced our partners that they do not love/care as deeply for us as they did prior to the on-set of the depression.  When the depression lifts, will they recognize their true feelings that they did in fact love us/care for us as before? 

Because of depression, many relationships, both platonic and romantic, have seen their own demise.  I have heard many stories but cannot understand why most have not been reconciled.  If someone(BP, MD) has a partner that truly loves them and would not want to end the relationship as well as try to understand the wrath of depression, why would the ties be severed permanently instead of temporarily? 

I am trying to understand this and, ironically, put some kind of logic to it.

Thank you so much for listening to me and look forward to hearing back from all of you :-)

After twelve years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes. He said, "No hablo ingles."

Regular Member

Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 197
   Posted 8/6/2007 6:11 PM (GMT -6)   
Hey WCC:

GREAT question!

I'm curious as well. It seems (from the others on this and other boards who are going through a similar situation as us) as if it's a compulsion to throw the significant other under the bus, so to speak. I've read that most suffering from depression take it out on those closest and this has certainly been my experience.

One thing I do know, you CAN'T put logic to this!!


When I die, I want to go peacefully in my sleep like my grandpa, not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

Elite Member

Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 8/6/2007 7:33 PM (GMT -6)   


I feel that we have decided that the people wanting out of the marriage are married to  a spouse that must be must be depressed about something.........what if the triggering factor is the marriage they need to get out of before they can begin to heal.  Just asking a question and not aiming at anyone.

Many things cause depression and there is the situational depression that people experience.

I have never wanted out of my marriage and I have depended on my husband as he depends on me.  We take care of each other.

My first husband was my depression..............I needed to leave that relationship to get better.

My ex was a good person but not the love of my life and we were just a bad mix.  He has remarried and found happiness as I did and I have been married to my present husband for 35 years.

Just thinking out loud, I do not have the magic answer.  Bless you WCC and gentle hugs



Moderator Anxiety ~ Panic Disorders
*~* Not a mental health professional at all *~*
Dx: Anxiety/Panic, Depression 
"If you doubt you can accomplish something, then you can’t accomplish it. You have to have confidence in your ability, and then be tough enough to follow through.” 
~Rosalyn Carter


Veteran Member

Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 8/7/2007 7:00 AM (GMT -6)   

I almost wonder if once a person gets to the point to where they are blaming others for their depression that they can not find the old feelings again. In their minds they are away from that person and now they are better so it must have been them. Even if it wasn't....
I think they might program their own brains to think that,and are afraid that if they go back to that person then the depression will come again.

Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia
Meds I have taken throughout the years:Wellbutrin,Tranxene,Paxil,Prozac,Valium,
Off of all meds at this time...woohoo!!

"I am woman,hear me roar one day and cry the next!!!"

Regular Member

Date Joined Jul 2007
Total Posts : 68
   Posted 8/7/2007 12:03 PM (GMT -6)   
Thanks so much for the replies :)

Has this happned to anyone personally; you or your partner experienced this situation but still made it through and stayed together?
After twelve years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes. He said, "No hablo ingles."

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