You know they say that there is always sunshine after the rain but happens when you dont look forward to the sunshine any longer, what happens if there is no reason to think that there are brighter days when you know that the brighter days when and if they appear are only temporary?
There are people in this world that live by that philisophy and I am envious of their ambition to believe that however I am no longer one of those people. When your better days in your mind are not a reality what do you do then? Get help so that you can go on knowing and denying that yes there are going to be bad days but I can deal with that know because my meds are working and my therapy is going well, and that is great but what about tomorrow, does anyone know how painful it is to know that the sunshine brings absolutely no joy and that the rainy days only are worse. So what then?
I have always tried to be strong and show the ones that I love that I can do this, I CANT! Im ao sorry that the days for me are only an extension of more heartache and disappointment. Dont anyone say that I feel this way now, because I have fought this pain for several months now mostly alone and keeping it from people trying to fit in, not anymore.
I used to pray and trusted in what my God showed me or the path that I was sure that he wanted mwe to take but now I don't. My struggles have been great and God has let me struggle in order to gain the the things he wanted for me, it was a lie, to me it was a lie. And if not, he gave me way to much to handle, I guess I was not faithful enough or strong enough but I am ok with that now.
So the story goes.
It is the heart which perceives God and not the reason. That is what faith is: God perceived by the heart, not by the reason.
(Blaise Pascal (1623-1662), French scientist, philosopher. Pensées (1670), no. 424, ed. Krailsheimer; no. 278, ed. Brunschvicg.)