This is Kitt and I am so happy to meet you.
It sounds like you have a lot to feel anxious about and I think perhaps your biggest stressor right now is the selling of your house and moving. I am going to ask a couple of questions and feel free to answer or not.
Do you really want to move with your boyfriend out east? You do not sound like your happy with his being away so much which makes me wonder if your happy in the relationship?
Leaving your family is also a huge factor in your anxiety and I understand that. I am sorry that you have no therapist. I know that would be a comfort to you.
You sound like a wonderful person as much of your post is about your concerns related to others and the loss of a fellow co-worker. I am proud of you for holding down that part time job, any chance it would develop into more than part time?
I see a few issues I think you are feeling guilty about re failing and feeling embarrassed about not finishing your schooling. I believe that your family loves you and they are not judging you by whether or not you have your college degree. I also sense they are proud of you just the way you are.
You never have to apologize re who you are or what you do. You are an individual and there is no one else like you. You have no reason to explain what kind of work you do or anything else to people who ask questions.
The best part of your post was hearing your Father is a survivor, 13 years, that is awesome. Try not to dwell on the what ifs. Living in the moment and just live today. Try not to worry about what you have done in the past and try not to anticipate problems in the future.
Love your self as you are a worthy person with a Mental Health Disorder. Hey, your in good company here. :)
Many gentle Hugs. Stay with us and keep posting.
Moderator Anxiety ~ Panic Disorders
*~* Not a mental health professional at all *~*
Dx: Anxiety/Panic, Depression
"If you doubt you can accomplish something, then you can’t accomplish it. You have to have confidence in your ability, and then be tough enough to follow through.”