Thankyou for your kind words.
I feel so emotional, and like I could snap at the slightest breeze.
I wasn't able to say much too Sami, I couldn't even begin too find the right words. I'm still in such shock, and this just hurts so very much.
I'm going to try to get up there again. It's such a tiring trip though. People keep telling me I need to look after my health first. But for my health, I also need to be there for my friend, or I wil spend I lifetime in regret, that I wasn't there when she needed me most.
I've just rang Pete, and he says she's still really restless, and trying so hard too communicate,and getting so frustrated that she can't. Knowng what Sam's like, she'll be being really stubborn and trying her very hardest not to let the CF win. This has always been her biggest fear. And now it's here, she will be fighting it just as strongly as ever before.
Talking to pete even, I just can't find the words too weigh up, just how strong I think he is, and how lucky Sami was too find him.
If my heart is breaking, his much be falling apart, I could see the hurt in his eyes. It's just so unfair that there is no way too change this. There is no way too make any of this better.
Sami's family were all there at some point yesterday. Some of them I've met before at both her 18th birthday party, and at her wedding. We sat there reminising at how beautiful and happy and healthy Sami was at those times. How we joked she was boucing around like Tigger her most favourite thing ever. She used to have bedclothes, giant teddies, smal teddies, pyjamas, socks. Everything HAD to be tigger. Whenever in hospital, her room used to definately be her own.
On her wedding night, none of us were feelng all that great, but both me Sam and Tony let that pass over us, and we were dancing the whole night through. Boucing up and down too our favourite songs, and at one point, holding hands and just spnning around, until we all collapsed in a big giggly heap, and got drowned by Sami's dress.
It was funny, but our CF nurses had no clue just what we actually used to get upto. Or how many times we had been in trouble with a certain hospital sister called Mrs Hughes. Wheelchair races up the corridoors, grabbing what we could from the canteen and bunging it all into the juicer back on the ward. Leaving the kitchen a right state, for one or 2 of us to quickly clean round before the CF team came on the ward and saw it.
A couple of nights we spent making cocktails. We went to the shop, and bought loads of different alcohol. Then went to the canteen and got loads of orange juice and different fruits. We went back to the ward and sat in Sami's room. Al cuddled up on the bed. I remember Sam mixed together Carribean twist (tropical fruit flavour i think), lambrini and lager. It was actualy quite nice. We sat watching a DVD laughing our socks off. The nurses coming i to check on us every half hour, to make sure we weren't getting TOO drunk.
When out of the hospital, we went shoppng mainly, or just had a rest at each others houses. It was fun, and cross-infection policies were pretty much ignored, as we were all colonized with the same strain of bugs.
Sami made the hospital seem like a much less scary place.
We had our serious dicussions too. But when it got to much to talk about
what the future holds, we would run off and do something fun.
I'll remember the good times with Sami, I'll remember our silly fallings out, and how much fun it was when we made back up. I'll remember how much fun we've had over the last few years.
I'll never forget Sami, she will be there forever.
I just wish I'd been there for her more over the last year, where we drifted apart a bit, and only caught up once every couple of months.
I don't want Sami too leave, as I have so much I need too tell her:(
Co-moderator in the: Cystic Fibrosis Forums
Woe to the child which when kissed on the forehead tastes salty. She is bewitched and soon must die.
Diagnosed with: Cystic Fibrosis, Asthma, ABPA, Clinical Depression, Mild liver cirrohsis, mild osteopenia. Waiting for final diagnosis on Muscular Dystrophy type symptoms.
Medication: Creon 10,000, Flucloxacillin, Vitamins A,D+E, Tobi nebuliser, Serevent, Salbutamol, Sertraline, Odansetron, Nefopam, Ciprofloxacin, Ursodeoxycholic Acid, Omeprazole.
Had a Port-a-cath fitted on chest wall since 11th Nov 05