A careless love

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New Member

Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 8/14/2007 1:41 PM (GMT -6)   
Hey everyone, Im pretty new to this kind of thing (venting feelings and frustrations) so I'll try to be as well articulated as I can be. Im a college student, 22 years old, and Ive been dealing with dysthymic disorder for nearly 10 years. Ive been feeling so out of place for such a long time that I dont even kno what normal is anymore. Anyways, my story starts like many others, with a girl. I met her through a friend, but at the time she was seeing someone else for many months. Last September she broke up with him, because he cheated on her with her then best friend, and then started hanging out with me. We had a relationship that was free and liberal, nothing serious. And after the intimacy was gone and we both moved on, she still hung around, slept in my bed all the time, but we never fooled around. Now we've moved into an apartment and things have changed, shes branching out and calling other guys, one of them lives in Ohio, she met him over the internet. She wants to see him so bad, and she talks with him constantly even though they have never met face to face. Now waves of jealously crash over me, and I tried talking with her, telling how I feel about the situation but shes so blunt, she says that she has too many problems to deal with to deal with mine, and that she is sorry that I still feel something for her but there is nothing I can do. Which of course makes me feel great (sarcasm). The whole situation has been a downward spiral of helplessness and hurt feelings all around, the closeness we felt all those months ago are fading away. I still want to be close with her, just as a friend, but my depression is crippling the relationship. She asks me if anything is wrong, and I say no because how can you tell the person that is causing you pain is causing the pain to begin with. How can I cope and pry my fingers from her life and move on when she lives 2 doors down from me? Any advice will ease my soul.

- Mike

Veteran Member

Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 8/15/2007 6:39 AM (GMT -6)   

First of all I want to welcome you to the forum,I am very glad that you found us and I know you will find the support that you are looking for.

I don't mean to be harsh here,but this girl is very very selfish. She obviously knows that you have feelings for her,and she is using you. Girls are not stupid,they know when they are in someone's sights usually so I am not sure why she has decided to do these things.
It sounds like you have alot to offer someone,so I would sit down and really decide if this girl is worth all of the pain that she is causing you.

Stay strong and keep us posted.

Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia
Meds I have taken throughout the years:Wellbutrin,Tranxene,Paxil,Prozac,Valium,
Off of all meds at this time...woohoo!!

"I am woman,hear me roar one day and cry the next!!!"

Elite Member

Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 8/15/2007 12:23 PM (GMT -6)   

I'd like to extend a warm welcome to you on your first visit to Healing Well!

Being in love is really "tough", when the person you are in love with doesn't love you. The only suggestion I can give is to NOT be around her, don't go where she will be.
Only time will help you get over this, and meeting new girls, talking with them.
I do wish you good luck. There is a girl out there for you, and eventually, you will find her.

I have to question if your in love with her or you just don't like the idea of her wanting someone other than you?

Keep posting Mike and know we support you. Again welcome. <!-- google_ad_section_end -->

Moderator Anxiety ~ Panic Disorders
*~* Not a mental health professional at all *~*
Dx: Anxiety/Panic, Depression 
"If you doubt you can accomplish something, then you can’t accomplish it. You have to have confidence in your ability, and then be tough enough to follow through.” 
~Rosalyn Carter


New Member

Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 8/15/2007 12:51 PM (GMT -6)   
Hello again,

Thank you all for your kind words, to answer both your questions, yes, I am in the midst of continuously asking myself if she is worth it, and an answer will be found eventually, right now Im trying to make myself happy, find people and music and movies to get into to occupy my time and find something truly to live for. Without happiness in myself, I cant make other people happy. So I am on the long road that everyone here has been on. Im taking my pills again, Paxil 10mg to start off, and writing scripts about my experiences up until this point. To answer Kitt's question, I do still love her, but its not sexual in nature. It was the intimacy that we shared after that I yearn for the most. A hug around the neck, an arm around the shoulder, her laughter at my bad jokes. Its the little things that bring us back to what was and now never will be. Shes so distant now, and I feel as though Ive irreversibly damaged our friendship, but alas time will only tell what can happen. As it stands now, I cannot get away from her, since I signed a lease at the apartment we live at for a year. Let me find the strength to carry on with the weight of my heart heavy in my chest.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 4031
   Posted 8/15/2007 6:37 PM (GMT -6)   

Hey Mike, You have gotten some wonder suggestions from Kitt and Shy, they are always so great with the advice.  I sort of got a different idea though when I read your first post.  It almost seemed like you were cool with all the changes that had taken place within your relationship with her....that is until she started with the Ohio guy.  Do you think perhaps the reason why your feeling hurt and all is because you may be worried some where in the back of your mind that she may up and leave and that would take away your close friendship with her?

I have known many people who were physicial with each other and for whatever reason their relationships had changed or moved to just being best friends or really close friends.  Which they found out was what suited them best.  If they can handle doing that, then fine.  And it sounds as if you too were doing just that up until this point. 

I dont know I am just throwing some ideas out there...but I do think you need to try to get out and seek some new friendships others to hang out with.

Co~Mod: Depression
Moderator: Heart & Cardiovascular Disease

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