nerves, nerves and more nerves.

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Regular Member

Date Joined Feb 2007
Total Posts : 140
   Posted 8/24/2007 10:41 AM (GMT -6)   
I am due to go on holiday in under 10 hours with my bf his bro and his bro's gf. I have been looking forward to it for months but today I am dreading it. I feel upset, really anxious and want to cry. I'm scared of being away from my family for that long, I'm scared of being with my bf fo a full week and ruining his holiday due to my temper etc. I'm scared to be around him this long full stop, I totally don't want to feel that way towards him. I have felt really guilty today feeling like this towards him as hes been really extra lovely, I feel stressed short of breath and super angry, biting everyones head off for no reason. The 'old' pre depression me would be so excited at this opportunity, looking forward to having a laugh and a good time and especially being with my bf! Why am I like this? I hate being me. Sorry just had to let it out :(
** Don't Compare Your Insides With Everyone Elses Outsides **

Veteran Member

Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 8/24/2007 1:26 PM (GMT -6)   

I am sorry that you are having the pre vacation blahs. I have had that happen too,I get overwhelmed with knowing I am going to be away from home,getting ready,meeting new people ect ect.
I do think one thing is that your b/f obviously loves you. He has stuck by you this long. If he didn't want you to be with him then he would not have invited you right?

This is the time for a new beginning. New environment,new things to do.

All you can do is take it one day at a time and try to relax.

Let us know how everything went ok?

Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia
Meds I have taken throughout the years:Wellbutrin,Tranxene,Paxil,Prozac,Valium,
Off of all meds at this time...woohoo!!

"I am woman,hear me roar one day and cry the next!!!"

Regular Member

Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 149
   Posted 8/24/2007 2:24 PM (GMT -6)   
I feel for you as I used to work myself up like this too. I know it is difficult from where you are right now to see but the way you are processing your thoughts is what is causing your problems. Most anxiety is anticipatory and has nothing to do with reality. You are getting upset because your thoughts are ahead of your life and creating fears. CBT teaches you how to get out of your head and learn to live in the moment. I think it may help you. Short term just try and answer what's the worst that could happen if any of these fears you have came to pass? Then ask yourself how would you cope. Once you can do this you may start to realize that things even at their worst as not as bad as they seem to be in your mind. There's an equal likelihood that the opposite thing of all you fear will happen but you are stuck on the worst case scenarios right now. I bet you end up having a great time :-)

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jan 2007
Total Posts : 870
   Posted 8/26/2007 10:17 AM (GMT -6)   
I might know what you are feeling.  When I have something to look forward to, something that I complain I never get to do such as an outing or an event that I should be estatic about, I find myself dreading it as you do.
I have determined that my reason is that although it is something that I cant wait to do,  I find myself actually dreading the conclusion of the event.  So instead of anticipating the event happening, I spend all my time dreading the fact that, #1-It truly does happen and isnt cancelled due to what ever, #2- When it is upon me and I should be silly with anticipation, I find myself having an anxiety attack hoping I can have fun without being depressed and finally #3-If I am having a good time and enjoying myself, I spend my time during the event worrying about it ending too soon!
Long story short is that when I have something that I look forward too that is happening,  I tire myself out worrying from begininng to end and dont get to enjoy the actual event itself.  Then I find that I hate myself for not enjoying what I complain about never haveing.
If your depression is so severe that this is what you experience, it makes looking forward to anything a job in itself.  There have been events that I have actually put my depression in check and enjoyed myself.  However, I have found that when the event is over, I am so tired from fighting the depression that I actually feel physically drained.
 The only limit to our realization of tomorrow will be our doubts of today. Let us move forward with strong and active faith.

Regular Member

Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 149
   Posted 9/21/2007 2:02 PM (GMT -6)   
So how did your Holiday go?
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