Dealing with boyfriend's depression

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Regular Member

Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 23
   Posted 8/26/2007 6:16 PM (GMT -6)   
I am involved with a wonderful man who is dealing with depression. I am not sure how to deal with it. Any advice?

Veteran Member

Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 4031
   Posted 8/26/2007 6:33 PM (GMT -6)   

Hi Ann, Welcome to healing well forum.  What I most usually tell those who dont have depression but are effected by it due to relationship, family and such is that you need to educate your self on the disorder and try to be as supportive to him as possible.

There are so many spouses or people close to those that have depression who are of the mind that it is something you can pull yourself out of or just "snap out of it"...this is just not the case.  Education on depression is so very important.  I am going to leave you some links below incase your interested.

Take care and much luck to you both.

Co~Mod: Depression
Moderator: Heart & Cardiovascular Disease

Regular Member

Date Joined Dec 2003
Total Posts : 424
   Posted 8/26/2007 6:46 PM (GMT -6)   
Learn as much as you can about depression and understand that any negative thoughts, feelings, outbursts, if he treats you badly, is rude or verbally abusive to you IS NOT YOUR FAULT and you haven't done anything wrong. It's the depression talking, not him.

Get him to therapy, and on meds, hopefully he is willing to work hard NOT to let the depression control him, and he can cope better. If he is in denial at all, it'll be even harder.

I commend you for sticking with him seeing as you two aren't married or don't have children involved. It takes ALOT of strength and courage to work through everything, so you also might benefit as well to go to therapy to help him, and to understand the disease he's fighting.

Good luck.

Regular Member

Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 23
   Posted 8/26/2007 9:02 PM (GMT -6)   
Thank you for information. My boyfriend is 50 and I am 43. I have never dealt with clinical depression, yet he has had episodic clinical depression since young adulthood. Both of us went through tough divorces in the last year. He is under the care of a psychiatrist and does take an anit-depressant. Over the past six months on two different weeks, he will suddenly go into his apt. and not come out except for work and needed excursions to the drugstore, grocery store, et. al. He does call me, but as he told me tonight in reply to what I could do for him-he stated for me to leave him alone until he find something to live for. I try to get close to him during these times, and I feel like I end up trying to smother him and he resents it. What else can I do?

Regular Member

Date Joined Jul 2007
Total Posts : 144
   Posted 8/27/2007 6:23 PM (GMT -6)   

It is a very sad situation. You have started a roller coaster ride. Medications help to a point. As you said, this is something that comes up periodically thru out your friends life. This will be something you will have to deal with for years if you decide you want to stay in this relationship. As the wife of a depressed person I suggest that you read everything you can about his diagnosis. Then decide if you want to stay or go.

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