Only wish i could say that i feel great but i`m simply sick of telling lies about
how i`m actually feeling .No one outside my home even most inside my home only see me as being happy all the time .Well the sharade is over .
Last week i underwent the second operation for cancer on my face and to be honest i don`t think i can take another operation like that .It was so bad , The dr removed three large pieces that contained more cancer.Thats fine just glad it`s gone the problem being is that he removed them under local anesthetic .Well as i quickly found out local anesthetic doesn`t work so good on me .
I will never go through that again .the pain was horrific.
As for my depression i did go back to see the dr here with the intention of going back on my meds again but as soon as i walked in there and saw him again i just couldn`t even talk to him about how i was even feeling .I just felt so unconfortable just being there with him ( all that came to mind was the memories of him yelling at me ) i have lost any comfort i had in being able to talk to him .
So i`m back where i was .
On the weekend i had enough of my daughter going off at me yet again so i just went in got my car keys and left ...i parked by the small dam under a tree .. not sure what i even did there i don`t even remember what i was thinking or how long i was even there .Next thing i know is my hubby was knocking on the window he wanted to know whats going on ( as if he doesn`t already know ) so i fill him in yet again he says nothing ( he knows exactly whats going on and just chooses to ignore it all )but for me i just feel lost, trapped here in a world i just don`t want to be in and no way out .I feel so alone atm and each day the struggle has become worse so much harder and the will power to even try going .