I am sorry you are having such a tough night. I'm glad you have found this forum. I think that after a while, you will find that you will get to know some of the members and feel like you are a part of a big family. We all try to be here for each other.
Are you seeing a therapist? If so, do you think you should get in touch with him/her to let them know that what you are doing is not working for you right now? Most of us have email addresses listed if you need to contact us other than posting on the forum.
Please stay in touch and let us know how you are doing.