Wow, that's a heart breaking situation. The first thing that comes to mind is that this could be a long journey ahead for your boyfriend, and hence, for you, if you stick in there. I'm thinking you'll want to count the cost, and see if you feel you have it in yourself to go the distance and if you love him and believe in this relationship enough to do so.
My hubby drank when we were first married. Not all day, but he was an alcoholic. One night he was drunk and he told me the next day that that night he felt the chasm that was between us because of it. He saw what his drinking was doing to me and to us and he quit cold turkey. I don't know if that helps, but that's my experience. He was able to quit because of love. Everyone finds their own path out of addictions and I don't know what it will look like for your bf, but somehow I think my husband found that our love could fill him up more than the alcohol. But I don't think it's always that clear cut.
Does your bf know what is behind the depression and the drinking? Getting to the root sounds pretty necessary as something must be running real deep for him to be engaging in self destructive behaviors. In any case, I think at some point you will need to lay down an ultimatum for your own well being - I don't know if when you say he drinks, he has an addiction, but if so, Dr. Phil I think it was said when someone has an addiction, you're not just dating them, but their addiction, and that's one too many in the relationship. I don't know where your bf is at on his journey to know if now is the right time for an ultimatum? But he needs to know his behavior is hurting you. And especially, if it is affecting your son negatively, then you need to take measures to protect your kid. He needs a positive role model etc.
As for his struggle with depression, I hope he'll keep reaching out for answers. Sometimes depression is just a symptoms of something else - other disorders can be mixed in, repressed trauma - you probably know about
all that being you have your MS in Psych.
On a practical note, I think asking him to go to counseling with you would be a good start. As long as he's willing to do the work, there is hope, and if there is hope, you have a reason to keep on trucking and see where things go...
Oh, you asked if it gets better... hmm... my husband was depressed, diagnosed with borderline personality disorder and is also dissociative. Whew, eh! At the five year point I was exhausted and at the six year point I wanted out of the marriage, and then suddenly he hit an upswing, and now after seven years together, he is a different man. He got on meds, but he also began to have his eyes
his behaviors and to begin to really grasp things that he wasn't getting before. That I see as the grace of God in his life (and, consequently, mine). So it can get better, but like I started by saying, it can also mean a long, hard journey, and not without cost, commitment from both persons and lots of love.
all the best, manyembers
Post Edited (manyembers) : 8/28/2007 11:04:50 PM (GMT-6)