It is funny,I became a mod knowing that I have been through so much in my life with depression that I could help others. And knowing it would help me by talking about
it and relating my advice.
But,then I find that I am not sure how to vent when I need to now. Got to figure that one out quick.
My anger is starting to get worse.
I have been off of meds for almost 3 years now. But,I think I am going to have to give in.
I am angry at everything and everyone.
My kids are 17 and 19. My daughter and I (19 yr old) are not speaking because she wanted to borrow money again,I had to do the tough love because she owes me quite a bit already. And is not doing anything to get a job and get into college. If the money was for something very important, I of course would have given it to her. But she just wanted to fix her phone so she could text message. Good grief.
My b/f is causing most of the anger. I feel drained with him.
He decided that since my credit is not top of the line right now due to my divorce,that we will not be getting married.
Ok...hmmmm I am good enough to live with,clean your house,sleep with,babysit your nephews all of the time. Cater to your family...but making it legal is not going to happen? I am not sure I can deal with that.
After my divorce I said I would never get married again. Of course I am sure everyone says that.
All I want is stability. It is simple. I need to feel like I am accepted and wanted no matter what.
I feel drained financially also. I don't make alot right now. I am searching for a better job,but getting back on my feet has been hard.
We split the bills. And this man makes probably 10 times as much as I do.
I received 3 paychecks this month,and have already given him his set amount. I was thinking the 3rd paycheck would be extra to put in my savings.
He freaked out,saying he gets money every 2 weeks. Ummmm yes,you do but I have already given you the set amount,.so If I gave him more then basically I would be paying the rent all by myself this month? I did that in March not even thinking...
He forgets that I buy all of the household items...and after I added that up yesterday I am paying way over half of the household bills.
I don't get it.
He always makes reference to his millions of ex girlfriends. It drives me crazy.
So when he is mad at me,it seems that he is putting me in the same category as them. That infuriates me.
I do not deserve that. I cater to this man, and I am now wondering if I have created a monster.
I deal with his family almost every weekend and during the week. I do not hardly at all deal with my family,and when the time comes to do it he gripes about
I did not realize how selfish he really was. He has never been married. He can not make a major decision in his life without consulting him mom and dad.
I have gotten mad so many times and told him to grow up. But it goes in one ear and out the other (or he has to call his mom and dad and tell them I am having a meltdown again...grrrr)
His family is so demanding and they gossip so much it drives me crazy.
His last g/f just refused to deal with them one day and they broke up. He also refused to give her a ring after 4 years of being together. I am so tempted to have a lunch with her to find out her side...just to compare notes. But,I would never do that of course.
I do not want to go to the lake this weekend as his whole family will be there. But,he can't do anything by himself so if I do not go,then he will stay here and we will be fighting all weekend.
I am beginning to question myself in this relationship. Am I saying that I love him because he is not physically abusive like my ex husband? I do know that he can be somewhat mentally abusive although he doesn't get it. So am I settling? I told myself I would never do that.l preach to others to never do that and here I am...
Ok,I am somewhat done venting for now...I just want to scream and cry all weekend. I think I need a good "feel sorry for myself weekend" but I know it is not going to happen.
Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia
Meds I have taken throughout the years:Wellbutrin,Tranxene,Paxil,Prozac,Valium,
Off of all meds at this time...woohoo!!www.healingwell.com/donate
How can you talk without a brain?
I dunno...but alot of people talk without a brain don't they?
Dorthy and the Scarecrow-Wizard of Oz
Post Edited (ShynSassy) : 9/1/2007 7:06:29 AM (GMT-6)