Post Edited (ShynSassy) : 9/1/2007 7:06:29 AM (GMT-6)
Hey Shy...BIG HUGS out to you. I can so relate to being a mod and finding it difficult to seek advice/suggestions in your own life.
As I was reading your post it reminded me so much of my relationship with my ex-husband. We lived together for 7 yrs before we got married. Of course everything was separate even though he made way much more money than I did. We split the bills in half and he called that my "rent". I always bought the groceries and household items like towels, blankets and stuff like that. He had been married prior to me and he felt he was screwed over by her and never wanted to get married again. I was young and felt that I loved him, now I think it was just security that I felt. He was always very controlling about certain things which bothered me but I just overlooked them. And he too always ran to his parents whenever we had an argument. So anything they heard about me was always negative.
Anyhow, one day we got into a huge fight and I threw him out of our duplex. He stayed at his parents for a few days then found his own place to live and after a week we got back together but still lived separately. A week and half after that fight he asked me to marry him and I said yes. I guess he needed to have that security too...I dont know.
We waited a year before we got married and still lived apart. I really thought he would change in that time but he didnt. The first few months were good but then he went back to his old ways and was even worse then before. I was embarrassing to me to go to Wal-Mart and have his stuff he was buying and my stuff I paid for. At one time we even bought matching towels and each paid for one separately. He still divided the household bills down the middle (to the penny) and called it "rent" still even though we had bought a house together right before we married.
I really had to come to the conclusion that he was just a selfish person and everything revolved around him. It wasn't a marriage or even a relationship it was being roommates and that was all. I had pretty much stopped his "benefits" a year before I left.
Sorry Shy, this isnt about my relationship but it sounds similar. You are such a strong woman to have survived everything you have and come out whole. Your not broken and you dont have to settle. You deserve so much more. Just dont take that crap from him.
ElishaCo~Mod: DepressionModerator: Heart & Cardiovascular Diseasehttp://www.healingwell.com/donate
You have been there for me, so I thought I would try and be there for you too. I just have a few things to say sweets, (which as you know I am really long winded but I think in this situation the less said the better.) I just want you to ponder this:
1. You are with a b/f that supposedly makes you feel secure, and I am assuming that you want to be loved right? If this is the "right man" would you ever be considering going back on your meds?
2.We are all creatures that HATE change, and we will do almost anything to keep things the way they are, but is the way they are, healthy, and does it make you happy?
3. Being creatures that hate change, sometimes "depression" can be like an old friend and being depressed feels more normal than being happy.
4. When you got through your divorce, and you said what we all say "I will never do that again", is this the "type" of man whom you thought in the back of your mind, "I could do marriage again if he were only like what you have now?
Just things to think about.
Hugs to you, Sophiabella
oh yea...ps you should kick yourself in the behind if you let him have anything from that 3rd check!!! It is YOURS! Start demanding things in your life that make YOU happy, and when YOU are happy, you will be less apt to have tiffs with the kids. Never settle for something less than what makes you happy, even though happiness is not something you are used to having on a continuing basis, you should try to have happiness, and to keep it when you do get it! Dont settle for less, just because of what you are "used to feeling" Okay, I am done now. Keep us posted, we care about you too!!
I am glad you took a stand and now he knows where your coming from Shy. Sucking up is only good to a certain point. You said rent and I had a flashback..
Oh! which reminds me...today I took my mom's dog Henry Miller (long story for another day) for a walk and this guy rides by me on this really nice brand new Harley. He went about half a block down and turned around and came back up the road and then I saw it was my ex-husband. I just kept my head up and focused on looking at the ground but I could feel him staring at me. I cant believe the jerk went out and bought a Harley! Oh well, you know what they say about little boys and their toys, trying to compensate for things they lack
I am glad you were able to vent and get it out. I so understand where your at and how difficult relationships can be. You are a wonderful and caring person and you deserve to be treated with kindness, respect, appreciation and love. Keep your standard high and don't give in.
It takes two in a relationship and this may or may not be your soul mate but remember we are all here and care for you. We support you.
I have been through some nasty relationships which included one divorce and got lucky and found a wonderful man...............married for 35 years now. I knew this time around that the romance would wear off and we would settle in to comfort, caring and a special loving relationship.
So there is always a light at the end of the tunnel and it will shine on you.
I am new to this discussion but not new to depression. I think I can remember having sad thoughts at a very young age
It is good to vent, and get opinions from everyone, but in the end it is your decision
You have to weigh the goods and the bads, see which one outweighs the other. Sometimes when we are depressed we tend to let everything and everyone get to us. Your decision has to be what makes you happy. If you are afraid you can't make it on your own, "you have just said you pay almost all the rent" maybe you really can make it on your own. I am not one to preach at anyone, I simply just try to help them look at things in a different prespective. If you are not on medication maybe it is time to get on some. I can go off my medication maybe for 6 months, but I know when it is time to get back on it. I hate taking meds and did not take them for a long time because I thought it made me a weak person. But I would much rather have happy thoughts then lay in bed and not want to get up. Back to you, you will decide when it is time for you. Things might look a little different when you get back on some meds, then again you might decide you have had enough and go out on your own. Your bf is probley old enough he should of cut his apron strings, but if he hasn't by now he most likely never will, and you don't need that. Your family is as important as his is. So don't let him get away with not being able to have your family near you
I wish you luck and if you ever need someone to talk to just hollar, I am a good listener
Take care of YOU You are IMPORTANT TO!!
I think Rick has given you some excellent advice. In my opinion, you all have way too many ups and downs to even think about getting married without a lot of therapy. I think you need to be real sure you want to be a part of that family.
From what I can see, there's an explosion, things calm down and then you minimize it. You seem like too nice of a person to go through life like that. Please take good care of yourself.
Post Edited (MMMNAVY) : 9/5/2007 7:17:16 AM (GMT-6)