Posted 9/8/2007 1:58 PM (GMT -7)
Hi all - I've been online tonight to find sources of support for family and carers of people with depression and this seemed like a good, friendly place
I want to try and make this short as once started, I have the potential to go on for pages and pages....
in brief, my husband was diagnosed with depression 5 years ago, but I think it was going on for years before that. he was on prozac which he took for 3 months, then stopped abruptly because he felt he had 'cured himself.'
He has the capacity to talk about how he is feeling and what is going on and chats himself extensively online with other people with depression and he felt he had a grip on it.
He didn't. The past 5 years have not been fun at all. I have tried to be patient and supportive but it's hard when part of it is him being so utterly foul to me and making it very hard to be his wife.
He has just gone back to the doctor's again and is back on prozac. This doctor is fab and I have spoken to her myself and she has just put his name down for cognitive bahavioural therapy, with his approval of course, as we feel he is an ideal candidate as he is used to exploring and talking about his feelings.
anyway - that is just a bit of background.
my question really is something I've been wondering specifically about how to cope with him -
when he is in a particularly bad mood, which is often brought on by tiredness, headaches, pressures at work, feelings of inabiltiy to cope, etc, he gets particularly repulsive to me - accusing me of all sorts of things I haven't done, things he thinks I feel, which I don't and is especially rude and insulting. Mostly I can let this go over my head as I realise he doesn't mean most of it, but sometimes it seems like he so believes in it I have to answer back and stand up for myself. This makes his moods worse and I am generally told to leave his vicinity (but not that politely) and often physically ejected from rooms if i decline to leave. He has told the doc I make his moods worse, because I argue back, don't leave and because I am generally so useless and horrible. (he has often said he wants a divorce, but in his better moods, he says this is because he feels i shouldn't have to cope with him and he's not getting one yet as I don't feel you can make those decisions under such circumstances and i guess this is the 'worse' and 'sickness' I spoke of in my vows....!)
SO, my question IS: is it all part of the support and care to just accept all the horrible things a depressed person will sling at you? Should I just agree with him, or leave, or take everything I get as part of the way to deal with him, or do I owe it to myself and him to ensure he's got the right picture and right ideas in his head??
With thanks for any thoughts you may have.