Thanks for the update. did ya'll talk about how to function when he goes into another episode? I myself, do not really know if this is actually a possibility as I my bf is still currently experiencing an episode so I haven't talked about it to him.
My relationship with him right now is pretty much one-sided. I text him updates everyday and tell him I miss him and look forward to seeing him again, but I never ask him to call me and I don't phrase my messages as questions because then I put myself in a position to be let down if he doesn't reply.
Since this whole thing started, I have joined 2 support groups specifically for BP and friedns and family of those with BP. It has help immensely in terms of alleviating anxiety I have and talking face-to-face with people that live with someone that has BP/depression. It comforts me somehow to know I'm not alone and is a constant reminder that it is not me he hates or me that he truly does not want to carry on with but the illness itself that we are both dealing with. Those with the disorder literally become different in how they act. It is not who they truly are or how they truly feel inside. But I think it's up to us to see past that since they can't at the time it's happening.
I bought about 4 books on the subject so I can really try and educate myself to tell the early signs of the episodes and to see what else can be done to help eliminated any triggers to cause the onset of one.
I must admit, I find myself still wondering if I can do this for the long haul; have children with him, settle down, etc. It is a very large undertaking to become the caretaker. You will have to get used to hving a one-sided relationship when the episodes start. How long they last, the level of intensity and how he is going to affect your life as well as those around you (son, family, friendsships) is really anyone's guess because there is not set length or level.
Changing meds throughout one's life is the norm as well. And going through this can also be an ordeal. 4-6 weeks is the average before the system gets used to the mix of dosages. And the Pdoc may have to make several attempts before the miracle mix takes.
Then of course you have whether or not any children you have with im might be affected by this disorder since it's genetic.
These are many of the things that stir in my mind. BUT, the one thing that I keep going back to are the many years we have been friends and how well he knows me and completely accepts me for who I am. The time we share together when he is balanced are the best! The comfort is something I've never experienced with someone else.
I met a therapist in one of my support groups. He tries to make it to a meeting at least once a month so anyone there can talk to him free of charge and he cane offer advice or just listen. He specializes in mental illnesses. Well, I have sessions with him from time to time in order to also help with the stress.
Like you, I do not know what will happen in the future, but as of today, I am still his girlfriend, still love him immensely, still plan on moving in with him next year and still plan on having children with him should we be so lucky. I say this because I know his heart..and I also have great faith in what has been achieved through scientific research with depressive disorders, and I believe they will continue to get better and better when the mix of meds won't be the luck of the draw, but scientifically precise as will be the treatment all together. It's only a matter of time in my book.
I also remind myself that what goes up must come down, so the episode started at some point, it will end, and I will have my man back the way I know him.
And the last of all of this, is that I started a journal. I started writing to him. Nt every day mind youmore sporatic really. But it's theraputic for me and I figure when he is completely better, I can give it to him so he knows that while he was going through this, he never lost me and I never doubted him or us. I think it will be something positive for his trust issue.
Does what I'm saying make sense to you? I tend to ramble (it makes much more sense in my head) but I hope I at least stuck to the point most of the way through. If you're like me, I'm sure you have a bucket of questions, so I'm here anytime you have oen to give or just want to vent..or whatever.
Look Forward to hearing from you soon,
After twelve years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes. He said, "No hablo ingles."