Trying to help a depressed friend

New Topic Post Reply Printable Version
[ << Previous Thread | Next Thread >> ]

New Member

Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 9/12/2007 11:28 AM (GMT -6)   
My bf was recently was diagnosed with depression.  He's been on medication for about 2.5 weeks now and is seeing a counselor.  I am a very optimistic person and I don't really know what he's going through, I feel like I am not being as helpful as I should be but I'm not sure how to be more supportive,
I don't know how to give him advice for something I don't understand.  I've been trying to do research and learn about depression but I'm still not sure what to say to him when he's feeling so low. 
His counselor had suggested he quit his job and while I know he's not happy there, it's a very good paying job that we just moved across country for him to take.  I worry that 1) he will regret leaving it after he has gotten control of his depression. 2) that he is expecting to quit his job and then his depression will totally clear up. 3) If he loses his insurance he will stop treatment. 
I want him to be happy and if quitting will help him I'm totally supportive but I'm not sure I trust a counselor who suggests quitting your job, is that normal?  I'm also not sure how to draw the line between being supportive and enabling his depression.  I think he's still seeking a quick fix and when I suggest that treatment will take time I think it just makes him more depressed. 
I try to be positive and tell him that he'll get better but he's so negative right now and just thinks I'm giving stock responses.  I know that it's hard for people with depression to hear positives about themselves but how do I let him know I'm being sincere and that he really does have a lot of great things in his life and that he is great.
I know I have alot of questions/concersn so any advice would be greatly appreciated. 

Veteran Member

Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 9/12/2007 12:19 PM (GMT -6)   
First of all I want to welcome you to the forum,I am very glad that you found us and I am sure you will find the support that you are looking for.
Wow,I don't even know what to say. I am not sure that is normal at all...maybe some of the other members have heard that,but I haven't.

I would think that quitting his job would cause his depression to be worse because he will be without an income and insurance.
I think you are right to be worried and if you feel that he is not getting the care and advice that he needs then maybe you could suggest that he get a second opinion.

Also,keep in mind that most meds take 4-6 weeks to take full effect.

Stay strong

Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia
Meds I have taken throughout the years:Wellbutrin,Tranxene,Paxil,Prozac,Valium,
Off of all meds at this time...woohoo!!

How can you talk without a brain?

I dunno...but alot of people talk without a brain don't they?

Dorthy and the Scarecrow-Wizard of Oz

Elite Member

Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 9/12/2007 2:20 PM (GMT -6)   


Welcome to Healing Well.  I agree with Shy. I did that very thing, I took early retirement.  No one mentioned to me to use my disability insurance.

If your BF has that through his work that is the way to go, the Doctor can fill out the forms and he will still have his job yet have income while he takes time off.  That would also give him time for the meds and therapy to work.

It is good that you questions the logic of just quitting the job.

Take care and again welcome.


Moderator Anxiety ~ Panic Disorders
*~* Not a mental health professional at all *~*
Dx: Anxiety/Panic, Depression 
"If you doubt you can accomplish something, then you can’t accomplish it. You have to have confidence in your ability, and then be tough enough to follow through.” 
~Rosalyn Carter


Regular Member

Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 23
   Posted 9/12/2007 4:04 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Anubis,
My bf is contemplating right now what bf has already done. He has had episodic depression his own adult life. We have up and down for a year. he is seriously thinking of moving out of state to take a promotion. Problem is I cannot move many reasons. Anyway, I am not telling him no just suggesting to him that this may further worsen his latest cycle of depression. He has no friends or family where is thinking of moving, and I just don't see a long distance relationship working for us. He is very flattered by the offer and I think it is skewing his judgement. So, I sitting on the fence telling him to talk it over with family, friends and do the old pro/con list. I know this will be the end of the romantic relationship due to the constraints, but this one I am letting him call. I guess my advice to you would be to support him in anyway you think is reasonable and then play the waiting game with your back up plan. Can you get a job to tide you both over? How about having him take a break and then return. My bf job is high pressure and the stress negatively affect all his moods. Yet, he is an adult and I have made my own plan for myself and my son and try to support but not interfere with the final decision. Thanks. Ann

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 2408
   Posted 9/13/2007 12:46 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Anubis and Welcome to Healingwell!
Shy has given you some excellent advice there. I too, would think that quitting his job would make matters worse, since he would have no income and nothing to occupy his time with. Once the meds take full effect, you may start to see an improvement... hopefully enough to start talking therapy and begin the healing process.
All the Best
Everyone has a guardian angel. They help pick you up when you fall, comfort you through your times of need and help you appreciate the times when things are going well.
Moderator - Epilepsy Forum
Co-Moderator - Depression Forum
Help support the forums so we can support you:

New Topic Post Reply Printable Version
Forum Information
Currently it is Wednesday, September 19, 2018 5:39 AM (GMT -6)
There are a total of 3,004,546 posts in 329,153 threads.
View Active Threads

Who's Online
This forum has 161744 registered members. Please welcome our newest member, csorthofeet.
222 Guest(s), 4 Registered Member(s) are currently online.  Details
TAD4207, ceebs13, Lightlife, Mamatomypeas