Thanks so much for your response. I too, am glad I found this forum. Depression is a real disease despite what most people think. And it seems as though I have fought this for years.
The final "breakdown" if you will, was , as I mentioned before after the death of my brother. He was the strength in my family. Took care of our mom and my not so stable sister. Then the load became mine to bear. And I have struggled with "to take meds or not to take meds" for years.
I have tremendous faith in the Lord and get terribly confused about taking anything. Although my brother that died had to take Paxil occasionally and he was my Pastor.
Anyway, thanks again for your response. It helps just to talk to people.