I am unhappy and feel lost. I shouldn’t. I am good looking, intelligent, young and a good person. I have had a bad year, and a life changing experience. I needed emergency surgery to remove my appendix—on my birthday. I was involved in a fight in which I was stabbed in the face. The scar will be on my face for the rest of my life. The fight changed my perspective on life. I realize now that life matters, and the average male has 28488 days on this earth. I am 19 and 6939 of my days are behind me. I want to enjoy my life and be happy. I am not.
I currently spend my time at my computer desk, sleeping or alone. I want to be more social, have more friends and drastically improve my skills with women. I have all the tools I need to do this, but not the motivation. I am lazy and hate myself for it.
I want to be in better shape, read more and spend less time alone on my computer. I want to change my outlook on life but don’t want to be accused by my current friends of being weird, changing in a way they don’t like or generally being a tool. Sometimes I think even wanting to change is sad.
I am a college student and soon will have to find a way to finance my education. My parents both went to West Point and I am currently taking classes for ROTC. I have not gotten a scholarship yet and am debating if I should. My school would be paid for but a lot of my free time would be swallowed up and I would owe the Army five years of my life. I could instead take out a student loan and be $50,000 in debt. I need to decide which form of bondage is better. In the Army I will be in good shape, have great benefits, lead men, but will not be independent. I could also easily die with the world as chaotic as it is. If I take out a loan, I will have the free time I desire but will be living with a monkey on my back and owe a large sum of money. I can probably pay this debt off but it will take me around 5-10 years, the same amount of time I would be in the Army.
I want to be more organized. I should drink less. I should go outside more. I need a job. I want a girlfriend. I want to be happy with myself.
I think I can do all of these things, I just have no idea where or how to start.
Reason for edit:
I ahve taken a small section out of your post at the beginning, in line with rule #1 (https://www.healingwell.com/community/default.aspx?f=46&m=106997) We are not allowed to permit discussions of illegal activities.
Post Edited By Moderator (djdaz_1985) : 9/24/2007 4:52:28 AM (GMT-6)