Thanks for the reply. Always nice to know your not alone. But, I *did* do a few things that were pretty high on the inmorality scale and I could have gone to jail for if the people I wronged/hurt wanted to put me there. Well, I'd say there are about
three instances that I could have done some jail time for, and one person that could have put me there. Hadn't talked to this person for about
ten years and then called out of the blue and apologized. Said I was sorry for the person I was back then and that I'm not the same person. Didn't mention specificly the offense but they knew what I was talking about
. It was the scariest thing I ever did, but this person just kind'a blew it off and said something like "Oh, that was a long time ago. We were just kids." Still, I was older and should have known better. I should have been the one with the head on their shoulders about
the situation. It still eats me up inside.
The other thing that worries me is this: What kind of impact have I had on other people's lives that I've hurt. Drugs? Crime? Etc? And, in turn, could they have hurt other people in their life? Like I said, it's like a stone thrown in the water. The ripples go outward and I worry myself to death about the impact that might have on on other people.
I too look back on my youth and think "Man, what was wrong with you!" I don't even want to know the person I was. Deeply ashamed, feel guilt, etc. For the most part I stayed out of trouble. Didn't do too many things that would be considered criminal, but the few things I did haunt me to this day. Anybody got a good link on letting go of guilt/shame/low self-esteem?
I'm using several methods to try to "help myself". Lexapro, "thinking tool therapy classes", and tons of prayer and upbeat religous programs on TV. Joel Olsteen is great for this if anybody wants something good to watch. Still, I can't seem to get over the hump and forgive myself. I know God forgives all sins, but I feel like I haven't done enough to be forgiven. Like I'm getting away with something. Then again, I hear that you can't earn God's forgiveness through deeds. You simply repent and try to turn away from your sins. He knows there is no way you'll ever be perfect but that doesn't matter. That's a hard one to swallow. While I'd never do the things I did in my youth, I'm still not perfect in many ways.
Post Edited (Thomas) : 10/13/2007 8:58:41 AM (GMT-6)