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Posted 10/8/2007 6:47 AM (GMT -7)
im someone who has been in a relationship for almost 5 years till now..however,recently,my boyfriend seems to have a change in attitude..im puzzled by the way he acted and stressed out..didn't show him though..

we got together since the 1st year of tertiary education..we are always together and we had a happy life..but now, i pursue master while he start work..we are suppose to meet up every weekend,but he kept on avoiding me with reasons of stressed at work and family problems..i offered help but he kept on avoiding me..

at 1st,i followed his intention of less attached life, where we are suppose to just focus on what we are doing..but i could feel that he's keeping a distance from me since then..and until recently,he ask for us to be just friends..what should i do?i love him very much and im afraid that this 'just friends' relationship might lead to the end of our 5 long years relationship..can anyone help me please?
Posted 10/8/2007 12:49 PM (GMT -7)
Sweet~

I want you to remember that this is just my opinion on what I think might be happening. I am a little puzzled because in reading your post, a couple times you say that you do not have a good relationship and then you say you do.  The impression I get from that is that your happiness depends on how he is feeling or doing.  Although I know that it is hard you must decide if this relationship is healthy for you.  Are you always walking on egg shells? If your answer is yes, I would seriously consider the relationship and what you get out of it.

 

That is the hardest thing to do but if you want to get better, depression included, you must "soul-search" and really listen to what you are saying.  Intuition is usually right on.

 

As far as him being distant, it sounds to me as if he was trying to do that when you guys were together by working or fighting.  There could be a lot of reasons he is pulling from you.  Could be the depression or other circumstances that you cant control.

 

If he will sit with you have a heart to heart with him and tell him to tell you the truth no matter what.

 

I wish you luck.

Posted 10/8/2007 2:29 PM (GMT -7)

Hi there Sweet,

I think the key thing for you to do is to have an honest discussion about this with your b/f. You sound like you want to keep hold of this relationship and you should tel you b/f this. He may beable to give you a good reason for the friendship that you hadnt thought about, in the same way that you might be able to give him a reason for the relationship that he had not thought of.

I wish you luck and welcome to HealingWell!

Darren

Posted 10/13/2007 6:06 AM (GMT -7)

Hello all,

           I am sort of in the same boat as Sweet.  I am in my second marriage and have come to realize that if she doesn't want it to work it won't and that my happiness seemed to come from her and not myself or my two children I have custody of.  My depression seems to be getting worse as I get closer to the D-day.  I am always sad now as I still have strong feelings for this woman.  I am taking 45mg Remeron to help me sleep and with the depression of a failed second marriage and being alone again, even though both have cheated on me.  I know I should be happy I have my kids, but they only fullfull so much in you.  I hope that is not a horrable statement to make.  I am also taking Lorazepam 1mg 3 times a day for anxiety.  But there are times when I still can't sleep and find myself crying more and more the closer the day gets.   I should be greatful I have my two children and am trying to let go of her and concentrate on them.  But I find myself trying to hold onto to something that doesn't want to be held onto. 

          I am afraid of ending up in a hospital and afraid of this affecting my job.  This isn't the first time I have been on medication.  I don't know what to do when the extra anxiety kicks in and the medication seems to be overwhelmed or quits working.   I have always had extreme anxiety growing up.  And the more the life altering event it is the higher level of anxiety. 

          I don't know if there is a question in here somewhere but, the remeron helps me get to sleep, but I wake up earlier and the depression is getting worse.   How do I make a break from my feelings?  Atleast this time I'm not losing weight and that part of the Remeron is working, but the depression this time around is worse.  How do I tackle this?  Thx in advance

Eagle

Posted 10/13/2007 8:22 AM (GMT -7)

Hi there,

The main thing I thought about when reading your post is the amount of love you have for your children. Its clear that you love them and I think its great that you recognise that they are only part of your happiness. However, you run the risk of holding on to them too tight and that can cause you as many problems as not holding on tight enough. As for the feelings, they will fade in time. Try taking up a new hobby or craft. Something that takes your mind off what you are feeling. Perhaps something that involves the kids?

Darren

Posted 10/13/2007 9:19 AM (GMT -7)
Thank you Darren!

I guess the hard part is that she still lives with me the letting go is hard when I have to see her every day. I still love her, but I know I can't make her love back. I do love my children more than anything, but I do reallize I can't depend on them for everything. They should be depending on me, even though it is beneficial both ways. I seem also to have lost my drive to do any of my hobies, part of that shut down somewhere in the middle of all of this. I'm trying to get back in the groove so I will have the needed distractions. Some times it just doesn't happen. Thanks for your reply Darren!!

Eagle
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