I think I'm depressed. I suppose I will know for sure later this week...my college is offering a free screening tomorrow for depression and I thought I'd go to that. Has anyone ever been screened before? Do they get you help right away, or just tell you to go to your regular doctor?
I just started Grad school this fall, and after only 5 weeks in, I feel like I'm falling apart, and that I have no control over my life any more. I simply can't make myself do homework, study, read articles, etc. My concentration and motivation are shot. Which is so unlike me! I worked so hard to get into this program, and I normally have no problem motivating myself. Even thinking about
homework or going to class makes me shudder. I feel like crying a lot of the time, but I don't let myself.
I go to bed every night and it takes me awhile to fall asleep. I wake up at about
4 or 5 every morning thinking that it's time to get up. After looking at my clock, I go back to sleep, and then a few hours later, I end up turning my alarms (all three of them!) off in my sleep, which of course results in oversleeping. I wake up feeling worse than I did when I went to bed.
When I eventually wake up every morning, all I want to do is stay in bed. I have no energy (which sucks because I'm a runner and have plans for a spring marathon or half marathon...). I don't even want to leave the house. I just want to curl into a ball and hide away from everything. I ache everywhere and have for weeks.
And I feel so incredibly uncomfortable, because THIS ISN'T ME!!!!!! I'm not this person! =(
I am a normally very happy person with at least moderate energy. I normally love going out with my friends, and now find excuses to stay at home, where it's safe. I was thrilled about
being admitted to a pretty selective and intense graduate program, and now I don't even want to go to class.
I'm just so frusterated with myself.
Post Edited (kaiti) : 10/9/2007 11:02:03 AM (GMT-6)