Posted 10/12/2007 8:11 AM (GMT -6)
Thanks to all of you. Dark, you again deserve a hug. :) Snowy, I cant thank you enough for just giving me SOME hope that this med will work, and stop making me feel like crap.

Topper, thanks for the insite:

I have no idea how he is feeling, I just know that he wanted me to get checked because "he wants his wife back". He used to tell me that regularly. I honestly never thought about how my actions effected him. I just know that I never felt depressed. I just felt stressed and like I needed a long break. I really think that desire for the break from my kids steams from my sister in law and her family situation. She has three step-children that she is raising and every weekend, the kids either go to their mom's or their grandmom's house. She always brings that up, but then claims she wants a break from them. Yeah, they are rowdy kids, but she still gets to sleep in on saturday and sunday. I'm jealous. I have expressed my wishes to have a break, but it falls on deaf ears. I have even gone so far as to beg, still no help. But its not really about that. It's about how my mom treats me. I'm 25 years old and this should not effect me. I'm not a kid anymore and I have my own family to worry about. I guess childhood feelings never really go away.

I hate feeling like I am being so selfish with this. I dont want this to be all about me, cause its certainly not. I really dont like this at all, and I hate feeling this way. I really do feel depressed now, and if how I feel now had been going on for the past 16 months, then I would have gotten checked 16 months ago. Now, i'm crying all the time, I dont want to do anything, my whole body is sore, and I feel like I cant do anything. I feel like i'm the poster child for severe depression...:(

I asked a family friend about my childhood, and she too noticed the strain in my mom and I's relationship. She re-assured me that it wasnt me and that I was always wanted, but I still feel completely unwanted. I dont fit in anywhere, and I hate that. My dad is great, he always acts like hearing from me is the highlight of his day, and I honestly think it is. I have always been a daddy's girl, and will always stay that way. I just want to feel like my mom wants me, loves me, and is proud. It's been two years since she said "I love you" to me. TWO YEARS!!!! She has not once in my entire life told me that she was proud, and acts like i'm a bother if I call her. I stopped calling her about a year ago. I cant take the way she makes me feel.

Ok, i'm just rambling an crying now.
~Mommy To~
~Haley Elizabeth, age 6~
~And~
~Dillon Thomas, age 1~
 
When life hands you limes- get a bottle of tequilla, make margaritas, and call me over!!
 
 
 
 
 

Posted 10/12/2007 10:49 AM (GMT -6)
Floralie i am probale the last person to say anyhting but a mothers love is very important and to hear them say i love you might seem un important but i understand because my mother never in 36 years said that to me and it has left a hole in my life which i am sure fits in somewhere with how i feel about myself, so i kinda understand it is not a nice feeling and for it to upset you is very normal.Hangin in there and if you ever need to talk e-mail me ok take care
Posted 10/12/2007 12:07 PM (GMT -6)
Thanks Dark :) Atleast I'm not alone, and that is comforting. What gets me, is that my mom told people that her mom acted the same way she is acting now. I dont get it, but I know I dont want my daughter to feel this way.
~Mommy To~
~Haley Elizabeth, age 6~
~And~
~Dillon Thomas, age 1~
 
When life hands you limes- get a bottle of tequilla, make margaritas, and call me over!!
 
 
 
 
 

Posted 10/13/2007 12:42 PM (GMT -6)
Well, i talked to my husband and let him know how I was feeling. He was very understanding but was frustrated because he didnt now how to make me feel better. He just let me talk and listened.

And I feel much better today than all week. Yippee Skippy!!
~Mommy To~
~Haley Elizabeth, age 6~
~And~
~Dillon Thomas, age 1~
 
When life hands you limes- get a bottle of tequilla, make margaritas, and call me over!!
 
 
 
 
 

Posted 10/14/2007 4:37 AM (GMT -6)

Im so glad that your husband has been so supportive and that you are feeling better. Hopefully this can be the start of a solution.

Darren 


Everyone has a guardian angel. They help pick you up when you fall, comfort you through your times of need and help you appreciate the times when things are going well.
 
Moderator - Epilepsy Forum
Co-Moderator - Depression Forum
 
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Posted 10/14/2007 9:06 AM (GMT -6)
One can hope.
~Mommy To~
~Haley Elizabeth, age 6~
~And~
~Dillon Thomas, age 1~
 
When life hands you limes- get a bottle of tequilla, make margaritas, and call me over!!
 
 
 
 
 

Posted 10/14/2007 10:29 AM (GMT -6)
Floralie, Hi! Have been reading this thread and can relate to going to school and trying to raise kids and be a good wife and take care of house ect....It is very very stressful. I returned to school for nursing at age 46!! With 2 kids and 2 stepkids who were here half the week. No one helped me unfortunately. I would beg my mom but she wasn't interested. I swear I will never do this to my daughter! I was on antidep. for years so I think it helped my stress but I still felt overwhelmed. Good for you that u are graduating in Dec.!! I bet alot of the stress will disappear unless of coarse you start work full time! Also, try taking the med at night. I used to take med in the am but after switching meds many times felt awful until my body became used to them. If you take before bedtime you sleep through most of it. Good- Luck! about your mom...it sounds like she is wrapped up in her own world and will someday regret her selfish behavior. It does hurt when the grandmom doesn't want to see her grandkids...I know.
Posted 10/14/2007 2:30 PM (GMT -6)
The stress about school doesnt end in december. In January, I move to another school to work on my bachelors degree in political science. After that, I can teach and I plan to work on my masters degree. After I get my masters, I want to go to law school. Then, I want to go back and get my doctorates degree in political science. :) I'm gonna take one year breaks in between the schooling.

But yeah, it is stressfull. What keeps me going is that it will be worth it when I am done. My husband does help when I have stuff to do, and picks up where I cant.

I wish my mom was local and could help with the kids. Hell, I wish that she would just call!! But, I have other more pressing things to deal with, and need to stop focusing on her.

Tomorrow, i have to start taking the medication in the morning and at night till that supply is done. Then I have to take on 150 mg pill. The package says take in the morning, does it matter?
~Mommy To~
~Haley Elizabeth, age 6~
~And~
~Dillon Thomas, age 1~
 
When life hands you limes- get a bottle of tequilla, make margaritas, and call me over!!
 
 
 
 
 

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