I'm 19, nearly 20, and I feel I have missed out on so much that other people my age do and have achieved. My mother had a painful couple of years struggling with cancer and then died when I was 15. That was when the dark times properly started. Since then it feels like my quality of life has deteriorated and lost all direction. I went to university for a couple of months and ended up leaving because I was so anxious and depressed and would spend my days crying in bed with the curtains shut; I just couldn't cope with such a massive change. and that was when I knew it was all too much. I briefly had a job this year but now I'm unemployed and feel so worthless. I can't even pass my driving test...I now have my fourth attempt coming up and I have no confidence whatsoever in passing, it will just be more wasted money no doubt. I have no friends here and my relationship with my dad is so rocky, he causes me a lot of stress and anxiety. He has health problems and I'm registered as his full-time carer, which is such hard work and something I get little appreciation for.
I have a lovely boyfriend who is about
the only thing which makes me happy, aside from my dog. I worry that one day he'll turn around and tell me he doesn't want to be with me anymore, because that would just be typical of my life. I just wish so much that I could have a stable life and some direction. At the age of 15 I had to start taking on a lot more responsibility than other people my age did and it seems to have stayed that way since, I'm just so exhausted with it all. One day I want to go back to university and be successful in something, get my own place like everyone else does. I just don't see how it can ever be possible at this rate. I don't have any motivation to make much of an effort with anything anymore because it just seems to always backfire on me, I've lost all my confidence.
What a mess, but I do feel better for writing all that down.
I am sorry but I had to edit your post due to rule #1 f our forum
1. No discussion of any illegal activity or threats of violence. (ie. illicit drug use, including medical marijuana use, threats of suicide or self-injury, or threatened or intended physical harm). Discussions of suicide or self-harm that are deemed negative and therefore potentially injurious to others are also not permitted.
Post Edited By Moderator (ShynSassy) : 10/15/2007 11:03:17 AM (GMT-6)