At what point in your life

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Regular Member

Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 77
   Posted 10/18/2007 6:49 PM (GMT -6)   
did you realize you were depressed?
I knew when I was a girl that things were not right with me. I felt like something was missing. I sat outside sometimes and watched the cars go by and wondered where they were going. I knew I was different from other girls and I wanted to be like them but I always semed to be on the outside.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 10/19/2007 5:58 AM (GMT -6)   

It took me until I was about 22 to realize that my feeling that I have been having since I was about 12 was not normal.
I think when you are a child and you grow up with those feelings you think that is normal. But as we know it is not.
I was a loner,and would disappear for hours a day to be by myself,I would not let anyone get close to me. And it still amazes me that my family just let it go like that.
I had a nightmare of a childhood,and had every reason to be depressed,but being a mom myself now I can't imagine just ignoring my child like that and letting the things happen that my mom did.

Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia
Meds I have taken throughout the years:Wellbutrin,Tranxene,Paxil,Prozac,Valium,

Have been med free for 2 years now.

How can you talk without a brain?

I dunno...but alot of people talk without a brain don't they?

Dorthy and the Scarecrow-Wizard of Oz

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jul 2007
Total Posts : 1303
   Posted 10/19/2007 8:59 PM (GMT -6)   
I am only 16 and I started feeling this way a few years ago. I knew what it was after it persisted for so long and got worse. I always felt/feel different froms others around me. I am alot different than those my own age. I think about everything. I percieve things so differently than most. I think about everything in every aspect. I think its strange, but I have actually realized maybe its a gift. I think about things and see things others don't see or thing. I spend most of my time by myself. I dont go to parties or hang out with friends like most 16 year olds. Education is one of the most important things to me. I realize that. But, I like being by myself. Alone and quiet. Its weird because I hate my mind always racing, but I like to be alone so that I can think about the world. Its strange. My counselor says that she thinks it could also be a sign of intelligence (as I am quite smart). Maybe she's right. I am smart, but maybe I underestimate how smart I really am. Maybe I do have the gift to see the world differently. I don't know. But, I realized I was depressed about 9 months ago. After feeling this way a long time. But, I refused to believe it until it got really bad so...

Regular Member

Date Joined Oct 2007
Total Posts : 121
   Posted 10/19/2007 10:16 PM (GMT -6)   
Looking back, probably when I was in the first/second grade for sure. My mom left us children due to her own issues when I was seven. I have an older brother and younger sis. Since I was the oldest girl, I was put into the caregiver position as my dad raised us. It probably wasn't until my freshman year when I was overwhelmed w/ getting a step-mom who was a recovering alcoholic and I changed schools where I did NOT like it one bit. I was suicidal at times and so on. Since graduation, I have been in counseling and on meds on and off. Take care and hugz. Kota
Chronic Fatigue
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Veteran Member

Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 1366
   Posted 10/22/2007 9:27 AM (GMT -6)   
You know, I've thought about this a lot and I really can't pinpoint a certain time, but I know it's been since I was very young. I remember going on family vacations and while my parents and sister were having a great time swimming or doing whatever, I'd be sitting by myself reading a book and wishing I wasn't there. I was self injuring probably when I was 14, and I remember being in middle school and being sad but not realizing it was depression... I just didn't have many friends and I was more or less just lonely. Girls can be very mean as well and I'm sure the teasing didn't help my emotional development at all... I suppose I would say that it was probably when I was 13 or 14 that I really realized I was depressed. I'm sure there's a definite correlation with the fact that I was also diagnosed with ulcerative colitis at age 14.
My mom had me seeing a psychologist at this time but I felt he was useless and stopped going after a few sessions. Then I joined group therapy at my school late in 9th grade and continued that for the rest of the 3 years of high school. It didn't really do much for me, it was just an excuse to get out of class once a week and listen to others talk. I never really shared much with them, but I enjoyed their company for the most part.
But over 8 years, nothing has ever really changed. It seems no matter what I do, I always end up back in the same dark place.
Female, 22, Ulcerative colitis (pancolitis) since 1999; GERD; gastritis; osteopenia in hip & lumbar region of spine from long term prednisone use

Current Meds:
40 mg Citalopram (for depression/social anxiety)
125mg Imuran
Should also be on supplements and probiotics and other UC drugs but I'm just not good at taking pills...

Regular Member

Date Joined Oct 2007
Total Posts : 36
   Posted 10/24/2007 9:13 PM (GMT -6)   
Realizing it? I started having some depressed feeling when I was about 10 to 11 years old, but I thought I was to young to be depressed. I kept these secrets hidden till this year, and I am now 14. At the moment I'm going through complete misery trying to find recovery, and I hate to think this is only the beggining. Fitting in was always hard for me too; I was the girl who wanted to be with the social outcasts of the grade. Now that I'm older, I guess being "popular" is important now. However, I'm glad that my friends are my friends, but everyone wants to fit in, right?


Elite Member

Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 10/24/2007 9:59 PM (GMT -6)   

Hi All,

I remember being anxious as a child, expecially anticipatory anxiety.  Depression fell on me like a ton of bricks in 1982 when my oldest son went off to the Marines.  I have lived with it under control for many years but had some minor flair ups until 2005 when I had a major meltdown.

I ended up taking early retirement in 2006 due to the depression and now here I am much better working again part time and loving this wonderful site.

Helping others helps me.

Moderator Anxiety ~ Panic Disorders
*~* Not a mental health professional at all *~*
Dx: Anxiety/Panic, Depression 
"If you doubt you can accomplish something, then you can’t accomplish it. You have to have confidence in your ability, and then be tough enough to follow through.” 
~Rosalyn Carter


Veteran Member

Date Joined Dec 2006
Total Posts : 649
   Posted 10/27/2007 11:33 AM (GMT -6)   
Right around the time puberty kicked in. I wish lexapro had been available back then. Back in the stone age when I was young, any kind of depression was looked on as a character flaw. Just smile and get over yourself! Sadly, many people still see it that way, but it's a lot better than it was 30 years ago. My mother always thought it was something she did wrong and took my depression as a personal assault on her mothering skills. She never would believe me that is was ME and not her until I got started on lexapro and was able to educate her. Depression must run in my family - now my brother is taking it and it's made a tremendous difference in his life. My sister did great on zoloft for about year, but then she got pregnant and had to stop. Her husband won't "allow" her to take another anti-depressant. "You should be able to deal with your problems without a pill!" She gave it up because she didn't want to argue with him any longer. Sad, just really really sad...
Living in the Republic of Texas minus a gallbladder, a couple of cervical discs, appendix, uterus, and 18" of colon; but living with my wonderful husband, 2 dogs, 1 cockatiel, and 2 gold fish. 

Regular Member

Date Joined Oct 2007
Total Posts : 27
   Posted 10/27/2007 10:12 PM (GMT -6)   
Hello all! I can relate to this. Growing up I felt alone and different from all the other kids. I'm now 27 years old and my depression has gotten out of hand the past year or so. Thats when I admitted that I was depressed and needed help. At 27 years old. Man I missed out on so much. I feel as if I just came back to reality. I had a pretty crappy childhood. I acted out in school, and was pretty much a rebel child. I regret it now though. I know I could have done very well in school and should have respected my parents more but I guess I chose not to. In my freshman year of high school I wanted to end my life but I didn't as you all can see. Those feelings came back at the begining of my recent episode. Its worse though because I'm opening some wounds that I never attended to in my younger years. I'm on meds and in therapy, it helps but I still have my bad days. Thats all for now, Bye

New Member

Date Joined Oct 2007
Total Posts : 12
   Posted 10/28/2007 12:46 AM (GMT -6)   
I, too can relate to all of this. But, I feel as if the way I've felt was slightly different. I am merely 15 years old, and going throught this isn't any sleighride. I feel as if I won't get a boyfriend. Since my last boyfriend broke up with me, he made me feel like I was nothing. Of course, when we were dating he was a wonderful person until we broke up. Now all he does is criticise me and I get so depressed at times I think suicidal thoughts. I told my mother that I want to be put on depression medication, but she says that I'd have to explain to the doctor why i needed them when I, myself, don't exactly know why I need them. I feel alone all the time and sometimes I scare myself when I think about what I'm thinking. None of my friends understand, because I don't tell them. If I told them what was going on they wouldn't understand at all. They all have boyfriends and are caught up in their own lives to really care what's going on in mine. And the ones that DO care can't exactly do anything about it. It's scary, thinking that you're alone.. It's not something that a young teenage girl/boy should go through. :(

Rocky Raccoon
Regular Member

Date Joined Oct 2007
Total Posts : 23
   Posted 10/30/2007 3:12 AM (GMT -6)   
Hey Hey!!!!
I am pretty sure that I was a happy kid.  When I have recollections of my upbringing, I only remember the good things.  I think that I can pinpoint it to my senior year of high school.  My mom and dad were having a lot of problems which caused my mom to split to Vancouver, BC.  My dad stayed with us in California for a short while then took a job in Seattle.  He left my brother and I with his house and sent us rather generous allowances.  Thought I was eighteen years old, I felt abandoned.  I didn't take it too personally as I know that my mom and dad are both extremely self-obsorbed (runs in the family apparently).  At this point I had to realize that I needed to grow up really fast.  I got help for my psychiatric needs randomly, but the last eight years have been quite the struggle, where I would go through some bouts of depression in which I couldn't do anything.  I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder and have been functionable on medications for the last couple of years, but I would be lying if I said that the depression, anxiety, fear and paranoia didn't still exist. 
Good luck!
Insanity:  Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.

Regular Member

Date Joined Oct 2007
Total Posts : 121
   Posted 10/30/2007 1:47 PM (GMT -6)   
Too all the young ins(or young at heart), I too felt lonely, unloved,etc.
Like I said from my previous post, I have been depressed for a long time. Just when you think things get better, something else happens. For me it is because I have so many other symptoms that don't help. I am active in Al-anon as I grew up w/ and live w/ an active drinker. I also go to a group to to help me cope w/ my past abuse. This makes me very anxious and sad but I know it won't go away on it's own. Whatever you can learn to help you cope or whatever works for you, do these things to live a self-fulfilling life . One thing I have tried todo is get rid of is negative ppl in my life cuz all they do is bring me down. Another thing that has helped me(but not easy at all when others put me down) is to learn to love myself in spite of all of my difficulties. One cannot love another w/ their whole being unless they love them self first.Take care and may your day be great. Hugz. Kota/nicole

" Be yourself for who else are you going to be?"

Regular Member

Date Joined Oct 2007
Total Posts : 45
   Posted 11/1/2007 3:57 PM (GMT -6)   
It was about the age of 12. I wouldn't say I was depressed as such, but I felt very disconnected from other children my age and was unhappy. I had no reason to be unhappy because I had so many opportunities given to me and a stable family life. I just couldn't understand what was wrong with me. Then my mother died at 15 and it all went even more downhill. I do wonder if I would have had so many problems if that hadn't have happened, or whether I would have picked myself up and been 'normal'.

Regular Member

Date Joined Oct 2007
Total Posts : 38
   Posted 11/1/2007 5:04 PM (GMT -6)   

I was 28 when I was diagnosed with depression and social phobia.  Looking back I'm sure the cause of my depression started at the age of 15 when my father passed away.  I withdrew from ppl and my feelings. 

I masked it pretty well cause I didn't even know I suffered from it until the crap hit the fan one day at work with my b/f.  Things weren't going right between us and when I told him I loved him, he said "it will pass".  My life completely flipped upside down. I ended up taking a 3 month leave of absence from work and was immediately put on pills, pills, and more pills.  I went to therapy but it didn't help.  It seems nothing really helps. 

I still haven't cried over my dad's death and it's been 18 years.


Regular Member

Date Joined Oct 2007
Total Posts : 121
   Posted 11/1/2007 9:37 PM (GMT -6)   
I try to re-frame from the word NORMAL for what I think is normal is not to is more of a personal journey toward some kind of serenity:)

" Depression is like a cow in a well...sometimes you get all the way out but sometimes you fall back to the bottom."

Yes we actually had a cow fall in a well...uff'da:)

Regular Member

Date Joined Oct 2007
Total Posts : 21
   Posted 11/2/2007 4:22 PM (GMT -6)   
Wow!  Your post hit home - I felt that way too & the feeling pretty much stayed with me.  My depression started when I was 12 but I wasn't officially diagnosed until I was in my early 20's.   But I didn't do too much about it - was on meds for a few months then stopped (dumb thing to do) and didn't get back on meds for over 10 years!!!  Life has been an up & down roller coaster for me - and my POOR family. 
I am hoping my feelings of being on the outside will one day change for good!  I still feel very unsure of myself - even around kids!  Now that is pretty sad. 

Sad-Faced Girl
New Member

Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 17
   Posted 11/10/2007 12:37 PM (GMT -6)   
painsince91 said...
did you realize you were depressed?
I knew when I was a girl that things were not right with me. I felt like something was missing. I sat outside sometimes and watched the cars go by and wondered where they were going. I knew I was different from other girls and I wanted to be like them but I always semed to be on the outside.
No, I did not realize I was depressed for awhile.  I believe that I was in denial and that I was just having a bad streak. When I went to my nephew's birthday party, I realized that I was truly depressed.  As beautiful as the day was, with laughter and happiness, I couldn't even muster a smile.  My heart was heavy and then I knew I had a problem.

Regular Member

Date Joined Feb 2006
Total Posts : 344
   Posted 11/10/2007 2:49 PM (GMT -6)   
I was 16 years old. The guy I was dating at the time broke up with me and I took it particularly hard. I've had reoccurring situational depression since. I've learned that if I don't take care of myself and I'm not surrounded by a healthy support network of caring, loving people, I tend to spiral down rather quickly. I'm now 33 years old and am making smart choices to make sure that I stay out of that deep dark hole of despair.
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