At what point in your life

You know, I've thought about this a lot and I really can't pinpoint a certain time, but I know it's been since I was very young. I remember going on family vacations and while my parents and sister were having a great time swimming or doing whatever, I'd be sitting by myself reading a book and wishing I wasn't there. I was self injuring probably when I was 14, and I remember being in middle school and being sad but not realizing it was depression... I just didn't have many friends and I was more or less just lonely. Girls can be very mean as well and I'm sure the teasing didn't help my emotional development at all... I suppose I would say that it was probably when I was 13 or 14 that I really realized I was depressed. I'm sure there's a definite correlation with the fact that I was also diagnosed with ulcerative colitis at age 14.
My mom had me seeing a psychologist at this time but I felt he was useless and stopped going after a few sessions. Then I joined group therapy at my school late in 9th grade and continued that for the rest of the 3 years of high school. It didn't really do much for me, it was just an excuse to get out of class once a week and listen to others talk. I never really shared much with them, but I enjoyed their company for the most part.
But over 8 years, nothing has ever really changed. It seems no matter what I do, I always end up back in the same dark place.

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Female, 22, Ulcerative colitis (pancolitis) since 1999; GERD; gastritis; osteopenia in hip & lumbar region of spine from long term prednisone use

Current Meds:
40 mg Citalopram (for depression/social anxiety)
125mg Imuran

Hi All,

I remember being anxious as a child, expecially anticipatory anxiety.  Depression fell on me like a ton of bricks in 1982 when my oldest son went off to the Marines.  I have lived with it under control for many years but had some minor flair ups until 2005 when I had a major meltdown.

I ended up taking early retirement in 2006 due to the depression and now here I am much better working again part time and loving this wonderful site.

Helping others helps me.

Hello all! I can relate to this. Growing up I felt alone and different from all the other kids. I'm now 27 years old and my depression has gotten out of hand the past year or so. Thats when I admitted that I was depressed and needed help. At 27 years old. Man I missed out on so much. I feel as if I just came back to reality. I had a pretty crappy childhood. I acted out in school, and was pretty much a rebel child. I regret it now though. I know I could have done very well in school and should have respected my parents more but I guess I chose not to. In my freshman year of high school I wanted to end my life but I didn't as you all can see. Those feelings came back at the begining of my recent episode. Its worse though because I'm opening some wounds that I never attended to in my younger years. I'm on meds and in therapy, it helps but I still have my bad days. Thats all for now, Bye

Hey Hey!!!!

It was about the age of 12. I wouldn't say I was depressed as such, but I felt very disconnected from other children my age and was unhappy. I had no reason to be unhappy because I had so many opportunities given to me and a stable family life. I just couldn't understand what was wrong with me. Then my mother died at 15 and it all went even more downhill. I do wonder if I would have had so many problems if that hadn't have happened, or whether I would have picked myself up and been 'normal'.