At what point in your life

did you realize you were depressed?

I knew when I was a girl that things were not right with me. I felt like something was missing. I sat outside sometimes and watched the cars go by and wondered where they were going. I knew I was different from other girls and I wanted to be like them but I always semed to be on the outside.

I am only 16 and I started feeling this way a few years ago. I knew what it was after it persisted for so long and got worse. I always felt/feel different froms others around me. I am alot different than those my own age. I think about everything. I percieve things so differently than most. I think about everything in every aspect. I think its strange, but I have actually realized maybe its a gift. I think about things and see things others don't see or thing. I spend most of my time by myself. I dont go to parties or hang out with friends like most 16 year olds. Education is one of the most important things to me. I realize that. But, I like being by myself. Alone and quiet. Its weird because I hate my mind always racing, but I like to be alone so that I can think about the world. Its strange. My counselor says that she thinks it could also be a sign of intelligence (as I am quite smart). Maybe she's right. I am smart, but maybe I underestimate how smart I really am. Maybe I do have the gift to see the world differently. I don't know. But, I realized I was depressed about 9 months ago. After feeling this way a long time. But, I refused to believe it until it got really bad so...

You know, I've thought about this a lot and I really can't pinpoint a certain time, but I know it's been since I was very young. I remember going on family vacations and while my parents and sister were having a great time swimming or doing whatever, I'd be sitting by myself reading a book and wishing I wasn't there. I was self injuring probably when I was 14, and I remember being in middle school and being sad but not realizing it was depression... I just didn't have many friends and I was more or less just lonely. Girls can be very mean as well and I'm sure the teasing didn't help my emotional development at all... I suppose I would say that it was probably when I was 13 or 14 that I really realized I was depressed. I'm sure there's a definite correlation with the fact that I was also diagnosed with ulcerative colitis at age 14.
My mom had me seeing a psychologist at this time but I felt he was useless and stopped going after a few sessions. Then I joined group therapy at my school late in 9th grade and continued that for the rest of the 3 years of high school. It didn't really do much for me, it was just an excuse to get out of class once a week and listen to others talk. I never really shared much with them, but I enjoyed their company for the most part.
But over 8 years, nothing has ever really changed. It seems no matter what I do, I always end up back in the same dark place.

---

Female, 22, Ulcerative colitis (pancolitis) since 1999; GERD; gastritis; osteopenia in hip & lumbar region of spine from long term prednisone use

Current Meds:
40 mg Citalopram (for depression/social anxiety)
125mg Imuran

Should also be on supplements and probiotics and other UC drugs but I'm just not good at taking pills...

Hi All,

I remember being anxious as a child, expecially anticipatory anxiety.  Depression fell on me like a ton of bricks in 1982 when my oldest son went off to the Marines.  I have lived with it under control for many years but had some minor flair ups until 2005 when I had a major meltdown.

I ended up taking early retirement in 2006 due to the depression and now here I am much better working again part time and loving this wonderful site.

Helping others helps me.

---

Respectfully
Kitt

Moderator Anxiety ~ Panic Disorders

*~* Not a mental health professional at all *~*
Dx: Anxiety/Panic, Depression 

******www.healingwell.com/donate******
_____________________________________________________
"If you doubt you can accomplish something, then you can’t accomplish it. You have to have confidence in your ability, and then be tough enough to follow through.” 
~Rosalyn Carter

 

Hello all! I can relate to this. Growing up I felt alone and different from all the other kids. I'm now 27 years old and my depression has gotten out of hand the past year or so. Thats when I admitted that I was depressed and needed help. At 27 years old. Man I missed out on so much. I feel as if I just came back to reality. I had a pretty crappy childhood. I acted out in school, and was pretty much a rebel child. I regret it now though. I know I could have done very well in school and should have respected my parents more but I guess I chose not to. In my freshman year of high school I wanted to end my life but I didn't as you all can see. Those feelings came back at the begining of my recent episode. Its worse though because I'm opening some wounds that I never attended to in my younger years. I'm on meds and in therapy, it helps but I still have my bad days. Thats all for now, Bye

Hey Hey!!!!

I am pretty sure that I was a happy kid.  When I have recollections of my upbringing, I only remember the good things.  I think that I can pinpoint it to my senior year of high school.  My mom and dad were having a lot of problems which caused my mom to split to Vancouver, BC.  My dad stayed with us in California for a short while then took a job in Seattle.  He left my brother and I with his house and sent us rather generous allowances.  Thought I was eighteen years old, I felt abandoned.  I didn't take it too personally as I know that my mom and dad are both extremely self-obsorbed (runs in the family apparently).  At this point I had to realize that I needed to grow up really fast.  I got help for my psychiatric needs randomly, but the last eight years have been quite the struggle, where I would go through some bouts of depression in which I couldn't do anything.  I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder and have been functionable on medications for the last couple of years, but I would be lying if I said that the depression, anxiety, fear and paranoia didn't still exist. 

Good luck!

-Joseph

---

Insanity:  Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.

It was about the age of 12. I wouldn't say I was depressed as such, but I felt very disconnected from other children my age and was unhappy. I had no reason to be unhappy because I had so many opportunities given to me and a stable family life. I just couldn't understand what was wrong with me. Then my mother died at 15 and it all went even more downhill. I do wonder if I would have had so many problems if that hadn't have happened, or whether I would have picked myself up and been 'normal'.

I try to re-frame from the word NORMAL for what I think is normal is not to another....it is more of a personal journey toward some kind of serenity:)



" Depression is like a cow in a well...sometimes you get all the way out but sometimes you fall back to the bottom."

Yes we actually had a cow fall in a well...uff'da:)

painsince91 said...
did you realize you were depressed?

I knew when I was a girl that things were not right with me. I felt like something was missing. I sat outside sometimes and watched the cars go by and wondered where they were going. I knew I was different from other girls and I wanted to be like them but I always semed to be on the outside.

No, I did not realize I was depressed for awhile.  I believe that I was in denial and that I was just having a bad streak. When I went to my nephew's birthday party, I realized that I was truly depressed.  As beautiful as the day was, with laughter and happiness, I couldn't even muster a smile.  My heart was heavy and then I knew I had a problem.