I read your post and I am so glad you had the courage to write it down.
Those of you with a history of incest and rape need to know that whatever you do or don't do is all right, because you have survived a childhood that wasn't like a childhood at all.
Now you have come to the cross road in your life where I feel you want to make a decision to start to climb up hill and out of the pit of depression and make a good life for you. For that to happen you will have to ask for help. You are a good person, your worthy of a good life and you deserve happiness. You need friends and people who care about the you inside, and not people that are out to use you.
You are a unique individual and you do not nor will you ever owe anyone favors for helping you. You will learn so much in therapy and you have this wonderful group of people here to support you online but please find that therapist, and start on the road to a happy life.
Every single person is deserving of respect so it is now your turn to believe in yourself................you owe it to you.
So do not give up. Don't fall into isolation and despair.
Gentle Hugs and prayers for you. I believe in you.