Wife is Depressed Because I Changed

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New Member

Date Joined Oct 2007
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 10/23/2007 12:22 PM (GMT -6)   
A few years ago I went through surgery to correct ulcerative colitis.  I had my large intestine removed.  A side effect from this surgery is that I have a tough time achieving and maintaining an erection.  I got married a couple years ago to my longtime girlfriend.  I was really depressed for a while due to the sickness, the side effect, and the fact that I had lost my job due to being away from work too long.  My wife and I have had trouble since we were married communicating.  I have improved psycologically, my wife has not.  We have gone to couples counceling, she has gone on her own.  She is very depressed because she feels I am not the same person I was when we first met.  When we met, I was a 21 year old college student with no responsibilities, and no maturity.  I'm now 29 and have a great deal due to work and other things.  I'm not generally happy, and her not being happy does not help this.  I made an effort to go out more, and do more things, even though it is difficult for me due to my health.  I have to deficate more than an average person.  I am afraid we are headed towards divorce.  I don't know if she just needs to grow up, and understand that things change, or if I'm the problem.  If anyone has any suggestions, I would invite them.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 10/25/2007 7:31 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi Oar

First I want to welcome you to the forum,I am very glad that you found us and I am sure you will find the support that you are looking for.

Marriage is so hard!
Is your wife asking for something different from you? What does she want you to change?
Can she be specific?
The reason I am asking that is it seems that when one person is not happy with themselves they tend to take it out on the other person.
I am wondering if since she is depressed then maybe she is trying to blame her depression on you instead of accepting that she might be a problem herself.

If the couples counseling is not working then maybe you should consider getting counseling just for you.Then you can lead into going back into counseling together.
Marriage is alot of work,and it takes 2 people.

Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia
Meds I have taken throughout the years:Wellbutrin,Tranxene,Paxil,Prozac,Valium,

Have been med free for 2 years now.


How can you talk without a brain?

I dunno...but alot of people talk without a brain don't they?

Dorthy and the Scarecrow-Wizard of Oz

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