Hi, I'm not 100% sure I belong here but found myself looking for a site just like this and thought maybe my introducing myself and explaining a bit about why I'm here might be the best way to start.
I'm a 40 year old married mother of two young teenagers. Five years ago my husband was in a car accident and hasn't worked since. Since then, I've been the sole supporter for my family and because my full time job doesn't quite pay the bills, I've been working 2 jobs off and on for the better part of the last 4 years. My husband is able to get around but can't do much for any length of time and that includes walking, sitting, standing or sleeping and that has really affected our family big time.
My son is 15 1/2 years old and my daughter is 13 1/2 years old...a hard age under normal circumstances, let alone when your whole life has been turned upside down and nothing is the same as it once was. My daughter seems to be handling everything very well, she's doing well in school, has a couple of good friends and helps out around the house with little complaining. My son started out handling everything fine too, or so I thought. In the past few years though he's been having alot of trouble at school and has managed to get mixed up with "the wrong crowd" and has managed to get himself into alot of trouble, including being arrested (the worst of it) by the police....something we are still dealing with to get sorted out.
Because of the way the insurance company has handled my husband's case, we ended up challenging their decision to cut off his wage supplement and have been going at for 4 years now. We are at the point now of waiting to hear a decision on the outcome which will finally enable us to get on with our lives, no matter which way the decision goes...good or bad.
Over the past few years I've gone through "down times" where everything looks so discouraging. Lately though, in the past several months, I've felt this on an almost continuous basis and for the past few weeks have had a very uneasy feeling in my stomach. I'm alway tired and just want to sleep but when I do sleep I wake up still feeling unrested and not wanting to get out of bed (though so far I've been able to force myself to). I feel so hopeless, so helpless and quite guilty about the whole situation because it affects my children so much in so many ways. It seems our lives are falling apart and I can't think of one thing to do in order to build it up again and when I think I do have a solution, I just don't have the drive it takes to accomplish it. To put it bluntly...I feel like I'm hanging on to the last thread or two of a very long rope and it's getting harder and harder to hold on and I feel like I'm slipping fast! I've tried talking to my husband about my feelings but each time I either end up in tears and tell him to forget it or he counters what I say with "What do you want me to do about it?" I know there is nothing he can do about it because he is just unable to work and help out financially but I can't keep holding everything in all the time or I feel like I'm going to fizzle out.
I've probably babbled on too much in this post and even with everything I've said, there is so much more to it all. Maybe I'm at the wrong place and if I am, maybe someone can direct me somewhere else, but from the few posts I read, this seemed like the place I should be. I know there is no easy solution and I don't think that someone is going to come along and solve all my problems and make me the person I used to be, but I hoping at the very least this could be a place I could meet some new friends, perhaps in similar situations who understands and doesn't mind listening. I also am a great listener for any of those friends who need to talk over things in their lives as well.
I better sign off for now....thanks for listening.
"It is what it is..."