I can't tell you how many times I thought the same thing; "Do I get mad at him and let him have it..maybe that will wake him up"..or , "at what point do I let go and not tolerate this anymore?". "Is he fully capable of being normal but playing me for a fool and I'm letting him?".
But what keeps me going is continuing to attend my support groups for BP and Depression as well as reading books on the subjects and the most important of them all..I started seeing a therapist who specializes in mental illnesses and family therapy. He has helped to keep me sane and at weak moments, has put thngs back into perspective for me. It hasn't been a easy road..not for any of us.
I have had times where I've been so angry that I ever fell in love with him. I have been mad at him for ever coming into my life and giving me hope that we can have a normal life together. But..whatever the feelings, they pass and I always come to the same conclusion..that I don't want anyone else and I'm not ready to let go of the dream with him.
I have read some books on couples doing treatments together and making plans for when the next episode comes; how to deal with it together. There are people on here that can tell you that it works and they have a fairly normal life. But..it takes two people, not one. I already have some things I've put together so that once he and I are back on track, we can discuss how we're going to deal with the next one. Does your husband take his meds consistantly? Does he chart his moods to try and see if there is a way he can recognize when the symptoms start appearing in order to detect another episode coming on? What about seeing if there are counselors in your area that offer a sliding scale rate in terms of your household income and expenses? I know from what I have heard in my support groups, reading books and being here on the forum; having a Pdoc for your meds and a therapist for talk therapy is pretty much the way to go. Of course, it's not the only way but certainly a very strong mark on getting positive results from treatment.
All things relative, I feel pretty lucky that my b/f does all he absolutely can in terms of dealing with his illness. He takes complete "ownership" of it and that is a huge reason why I continue to have faith that we will be okay for the future. He told me about his illness three months into our relationship. He was more than terrified of telling me but knew it had to be done. He takes his meds religiously every day without fail and also sees his therapist and Pdoc on a regular basis. This last and currentl episode has been a real doozy for him and us. He has been charting his moods for his Pdoc to try and figure out if a change in his doage and meds is necessary. His regular medication for his depression doesn'thave the affect it should and that is what led to him going into another depressive episode in the first place...besides three major triggers that all happened one after the other. His Pdoc and therapist are working together to see if his dx needs to be reconsidered. He has been dx'd as Manic Depressive but now the docs think it may have changed and don't want to prescribe new meds to him until they are certain what his dx is. So now he has stopped takenall his meds and is now in the raw so to speak. He continues to chart his moods and hopes for positive progress with a new dx and mix of meds.
I am still incredibly new to this world of BP and Depression, BUT I can say that I have learned that unless the person that is sick does not take ownership of their sickness and treat it in the most positive way, it will be a never ending ride that doesn't have any progress to it. I don't think I would continue to hang on and support my boyfriend as I do if he wasn't trying like mad (no pun intended) to find the proper medicationa and treatment for it so that he can lead a "normal" life.
I feel ccompletely the same as you when you speak of your husband; when he is normal, he is an amazing man, and even when he is not so normal, he is still the man I want to be with. As my therapist has told me; "the path you have taken is not the wrong path, only a difficult one". My b/f is worth it. And the way I see it, the months that have passed by while he is going through this is absolutely a drop in the bucket compared to 20, 30, 40 years we'll have together. So..I continue to wait, hope, pray and have faith that where there is a start, a end will follow..only a matter of time
Please let me know if you and your husband have really talked about putting some kind of treatment, or steps in place to try and deal with it going forward. You have to remember that it is not him that chooses to leave when it gets tough, but the illness that takes over. It completely takes over his judgements and thought processess. However, that is not to say it should be accepted as it may have adverse affects on your child in terms of abandonmont issues later on and could affect how he deals with his own relationships later on in life. There are books for couples on how to cope with illnesses and have proven to be quite effective..but like I said before; it takes two both wanting it, not just one.
I know..I'm rambling on big time, so please keep coming back and talking. I know it's been theraputic for me!
darnant quod non intellegunt -
They condemn what they do not understand