I'm new to the forum myself...2 days! I'm wondering who is prescribing your Lexapro - GP or specialist? I've tried a variety of meds over the past 5 years..many of the same ones you described - changed doctors also and found someone who knows what they are doing. I moved from 20gm of Lexapro (since 2005) to 40 gm/day about 9 months ago...I suffer from chronic spinal pain and fell way down the slippery slope before I even started the Lexapro. What is your concern in increasing the dosage if your doctor recommends it? You didn't mention what outlets you have for yourself. You obviously care about other people and the effect you have on them, or you wouldn't be chatting in this forum! Can you join a fitness club, walking club, dance group, etc? Anything that gets you outside to breath fresh air, especially with other people will "soften" your edges. I went through a similar time in my life....joining a volunteer group at our local hospital saved my spirit and humbled my mouth. It sounded "hokey" at first, but after the orientation and the first day of feeling stupid, it became a life-saver for me. Do you have any volunteer interests - maybe Habitat for Humanity, local shelters or hospitals, etc.
I can't answer your question regarding disability...do mean through your employer or soc. security?
As bad as you feel, there is someone else out there feeling worse that needs you...but let the meds help you first if your doctor recommends it. Let me know how you are doing..I care.