The big thing that jumps out of your post at me is that you are trying to take on too much. Sometimes we have to be selfish and simply focus on ourselves. I know this is hard because, like you, I am the kind of person who takes on eveyones problems and wants to solve their problems whilst conveniently ignoring my own.
I also understand the feeling that people are going to think I am crazy, nuts etc... if I tell them how I really feel. Its something that is real to you, but you are not convinced that other people are going to take you seriously and as a result you find it hard to talk to people. Do you have someone close that you can talk to? For me, its my mum.
As for belief, its something that only you can find. I have my beliefs just as other people do but it doesnt mean they are the same. If you want to believe that the world was created by 6 pink elephants under the supervision of a 10ft time-lord, thats up to you. Its something that is personal to you. Its not that the belief isnt there, its just that you cant find it. Sometimes, the best way to find something is to stop looking.
All the best
Everyone has a guardian angel. They help pick you up when you fall, comfort you through your times of need and help you appreciate the times when things are going well.
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