Posted 11/11/2007 4:19 PM (GMT -6)
Hello everyone. I'm new here and hope to receive some good advice or at least a push in the right direction.
I cannot tell a lie. Many times dealing with a depressed spouse is like having a fourth child (I already have three other children.) My spouse has been diagnosed with everything from depression to adhd, dependent personality disorder and onset schizophrenia.
My husband has been extremely irresponsible with finances. He is constantly changing jobs and has been known to lie about how he spends money or what bills have been paid. He has gotten behind on child support for my stepdaughter and can't decide what he wants to do with his life.
Naturally, I took it upon myself years ago to take control of the finances. Originally, I attempted to keep my husband involved in that process, but I have found this to actually hinder our financial stability. Recently, I was given an opportunity to build a great career that would financially stabilize my family and provide very good health insurance. Because of my husband's inability to maintain a steady income, I believe that it is best for me to be the breadwinner, at least for now.
My husband has serious problems with this. He is bothered by my interest in developing a career and accuses me of planning to build a career so that I can leave him. I have worked really hard to develop my credit so that I can buy a car and a house. I am getting ready to apply for a home loan. All along, my husband claimed that he was on board with this. He can't get a home loan himself because of his job history and credit. Therefore, it has to be in my name. He said he would never live in a house that had just my name on it and suddenly he doesn't even see the point in buying a house and thinks we should just rent forever.
Here are a couple of questions I have:
1. Is it wrong for me to demand that my husband completely turn over the finances to me and let me make all of those decisions given that he has done some things which have seriously put the welfare of our family in jeapordy?
2. With a depressed person, is it best to be forceful or to gently prod them to certain actions (such as taking medications, getting out of bed, and setting goals for job and career)?
I am committed to staying with my spouse and do not want my marriage to end, but I feel if I do not take the reins and get control of things, much more will be lost than my marriage.
There is much more to all of this, which I can explain, but I didn't want to bore anyone with all of the drawn out details.
Thanks in advance for any help!