For some reason I cannot forget about the past and live in the present. I'm currently engaged and have a 4 month old son with my fiance. We have been together for 3 years and will be getting married next year. My anxiety deals with me having female friends, especially friends with ex girlfriends. I've always maintained friendships with exs and has always been stricktly friends. To make a long story short, I maintained a friendship with an ex and did not tell my girlfriend (who is extremely jealous and insecure) now my fiance. We would occaissionally chat on the phone and we hung out twice. My girlfriend found out about it in April of 2006. Nothing ever happend between us and I've never been unfaithful. We worked things out and got engaged months later. I never worried about the situation as I did nothing wrong. However, in the 7 month of her pregnancy I became extremely nervous about being a Dad and then became guilty about the whole friendship situation with my ex as I started to feel like a cheat. I went to a doctor and was prescribed cymbalta as my thoughts of worthlessness and feeling like a cheat dominated my every thought. I could not function. This subsided after my son was born and for the past 4 months I felt great without meds. Recently, I started to feel extremely stressed again as my son is very demanding on top of never seeing my fiance (conflicting work schedules) and not having sex. The Stress then led to depression and me feeling like a bum and a cheat for what happened a year and a half ago. This led me to have a breakdown last Friday. I went the Doctor the other day and he put me back on Cymbalta and clonopin to help me sleep. He explained that when you have anxiety and can't control it, it can lead to depression which can make you think irrationally and can make you feel guilty about things you should not feel guilty about. The crazy thing is that my fiance is fine with everything and has forgiven me. Furthermore, she actually did the same thing by keeping in touch with an ex at the beginning stages of our relationship.
I'm not sure what my question is, but things are great at home....I just can't shake these worthless thoughts I have and the thoughts of feeling like a cheat and a bum.
How do i forget about the past and work on the future? It is so hard.