Hi redbaron, It sounds as if your dealing with some very serious issues here that as andrew stated cant be solved overnight.
No doubt you love your son and the thought of being separated from him is unbearable for you. However, you really need to ask yourself if this woman is "the one", that one person you want to spend the rest of your life, wake up to everyday, share your private thoughts and feelings and know that she understands and supports you in everything.
I was in a similar relationship we lived together for 7 years and he was always very jealous of my friends (most were guy friends...I always got along better with them then females...lol). He was always very angry and accused me of things I did not do. Eventually, I did separate myself from my friends as I felt I loved him and thought there was a sense of security for some odd reason. He also had low self esteem, insecurity problems due to his ex-wife cheating on him...he never resolved this problems before we met.
Anyhow, stupid me we ended up getting married and I knew it was wrong, that I was making a mistake but everything had been paid for and I guess I still thought he would change like he always said he would. Things were good for a few months then started to go down hill again. I left him 2 months before our 5th wedding anniversary. I don't have kids but he does from his first wife (that his parents have custody of) so it was very difficult.
I had to come to terms with the fact that he just wasn't right for me no matter how much I loved him.
Counseling is a wonderful idea for you both however, it sounds as if she has some serious issues that she needs to deal with. Weither it is with medication, counseling or behavior modification she has to be open to dealing with these problems.