I have set some goals. And One of my very important goals is to telll someone (an adult) what I am feeling and get help for it. I told my friend that last night. My goal is to tell befor Christmas. She said that was huge. And I told her I wanted to try my best and she needed to remind me of it when I am feeling down. We talked about choosing the right person to tell. I am either going to tell my school counselor (who I talk to once a week) or one of my teachers. She asked if I wanted her there, and I think that would be great.
The thing is, I cant say anything out loud. I talk to her in texts for hours at a time. But, I am not able to talk about it out loud in person. So, I told her we would work on that first. It would help if I could say everything out loud. I talk to myself a lot, I mean, what I would say to whoevere I decide to tell. She told me I should close my eyes and imagine I am telling it to myself. So, I practice all the time. But, I have a hard time saying it around someone, so my friend promised to help me. I told her and I have completely opened up to her.
She knows everything and I tell her everything I am feeling. She understands because she has been thorugh alot of it herself. So, we decided we would work on talking in person so I would be more ready to tell someone.
I don't think I am ADD. Although, its seems like it now. I am very smart. I have always done very well in school. But, now I am losing my passion for it. I am just finding it hard to focus on it or even care about it anymore, although, I still know it is important. I am in 11th grade. I was kind of upset the last time we got report cards because my grades have always been very very important to me. (because I want to be a doctor) I have made straight A's for as long as I can remember. This year is alot harder, I will admit. School has always seemed so easy for me. I have never had to study until this year. This year I have been fighting to keep up and stay on track. I made a B on my last report card. I was disappointed because I feel like I am trying so hard and working so hard, but I cant pull it off.
I am sorry this is so long. For the time being, I am trying really hard to make up for what I have lost. I have never had to study or anything, it has always been very easy, but that is all different now. But, I wont settle for that change. So, I am trying to work harder than ever to make up for it. I just dont know how long I can hold out.
Thanks for the support! Its much appreciated!