I was just reading through your post and your words:
"I almost think that she has more than just depression going on with her. One week things are good and we are going to work on our marriage and the next she wants a divorce! Everyday is different with her, everyday is either up or down more down than up."
Are you sure that depression is all that is going on with her? Just a thought but have a read through a few of people's experiences on the Bipolar Disorder Forum and see whether any ring a bell with you? Often people who are bipolar only focus on the depression side of their mood swings and sometimes go to the doctors only when their depression is getting too much for them to deal with everyday life. The other end of the scale when they are elevated they do not realise is equally problematic because they feel so good and cannot see why this is also a problem. Doctors often miss a diagnosis of Bipolar because patients sometimes only mention they are depressed. As the doctor is pushed for time they may not probe further and ask whether the person is actually having 'mood swings' and that actually the person does not always feel depressed at this time etc. Result is they get put on anti-depressants alone which can be disastrous for a BP sufferer. The only way to get a TRUE picture of her behaviour
would be for you to also talk to whoever is treating her and give some examples of her mood swings etc.
I am not suggesting that your wife is not just suffering from depression alone, but some of the things you mention rang true with me. I have lived with my BP husband for over 20 years and during that time he has had many many periods of deep depression and also elevation. Although we love each other dearly and are extremely close (we work from home together and have our own business) we have had many periods where I have just been totally confused by his behaviour
. He would swing from loving me to bits and saying that I had married 'a dud' to being the complete opposite and 'blaming me' for how bad he was feeling at any particular time and would pick on the tiniest things to justify this supposed feeling towards me. As I was the closest person to him his brain figured that I was obviously the reason for his pain.
Obviously people are not always compatible and fall out of love otherwise they would not get divorced but in our case (and many many other BP partners/spouses) it is just the way that poor BP sufferers pain/depression/elevation/confusion/rabbit in the headlights brain works and you are just often the TARGET for their cruel words and actions and not actually the REASON most of the time. I would suddenly be totally freaked out by my dear hubbie who I thought I knew intimately as sometimes he seemed to switch to being a completely different person and I couldn't understand what I had done to set him off as it were.
"get so angry and upset about
the simplest things" is typical of my hubbie's behaviour
in the past and I found myself walking on eggshells for many years which is not good for your own disposition and mental health. Do you find yourself doing this?
Of course mood disorders are not equal, you can spend a very long time at one end of the scale and then a short time at the other and vice versa. My hubbie is just emerging from a year long period of very deep and suicidal depression and is now elevated at the other end. He will probably remain in this state for a few weeks at best and then could be back down low again before we know it. Things like these are extremely difficult to manage even with the correct diagnosis, meds and spouse and family support and there are many many people like you battling with these things daily.
I am not saying that you are perfect of course, none of us are just wanted to give you a view from the other side of the fence as it were. I don't get from reading your posts that you are some kind of 'monster' who your wife is having to 'put up with' and be abused by on a daily basis. You would not be doing your research and trying to get answers so caringly on this forum if this were the case.
So to get to my original point, can you probe deeper and do a little more research and also look at your wife's behaviour
a little closer maybe and see if there is another element in there. It is so easy to take a doctor/counsellor/therapist's opinion when what you really need is a full and proper diagnosis by a psychiatrist sometimes. These are the only people that will spend the time fully evaluating your wife's behaviour
and asking the right set of questions to find out what is actually going on with her if it is something other than her dissatisfaction in her marriage and life with you. She certainly sounds very confused.
Hope this is helpful.
PS. V sorry for the long post I never seem to be able to explain things succinctly enough!
Post Edited (Honey Bee) : 12/10/2007 4:47:11 AM (GMT-7)