Had a sever depression probably a decade ago. I wouldn't say I feel that bad since with any degree of regularity, but I feel "down" basically all the time.
Its really draining obviously, I feel worn out basically all the time and I have trouble getting excited for just about anything. Additionally, I really don't let people get very close to me... thats not to say I don't have friends, I do, I just don't let them see past the surface nor do I let people get close to me intimately.
I know logically this likely will eventually lift, but I've felt like this for so long I'm starting to really just wonder why I keep going. I really just want to be able to open up to people again like I used to. I fill up feeling empty by working myself to death. In the last decade I've finished high school, finished college, gotten a master's, and am currently getting a JD. I know I do it basically b/c when I'm not working and distracted by something else, I feel horrible.
I guess I always figured that if I did the right thing long enough, treated people fairly, and kept my resolve that it would eventually just pass. I can't shake this one though... every time I feel like maybe I'll open up to somebody I just get bombarded involuntarily with feelings of worthlessness. Whenever I accomplish something big and I know I should feel good about it that old feeling returns of inadequacy.
As cliched as this may sound, I feel like my soul is just starting to wear thin. I'm tired of feeling mediocre - terrible most of the time abbreviated by days where I feel nothing at all.
I don't know what I'm looking for. I don't want to take medication and counseling is purely a band aid... I feel better for a while but quickly regress. I'd much rather just talk to my friends over a couple beers but a similar reaction happens and I don't.
Any less conventional advice out there?