anyone give opinion on this

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New Member

Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 8
   Posted 11/26/2007 10:34 PM (GMT -6)   
Had a sever depression probably a decade ago. I wouldn't say I feel that bad since with any degree of regularity, but I feel "down" basically all the time.

Its really draining obviously, I feel worn out basically all the time and I have trouble getting excited for just about anything. Additionally, I really don't let people get very close to me... thats not to say I don't have friends, I do, I just don't let them see past the surface nor do I let people get close to me intimately.

I know logically this likely will eventually lift, but I've felt like this for so long I'm starting to really just wonder why I keep going. I really just want to be able to open up to people again like I used to. I fill up feeling empty by working myself to death. In the last decade I've finished high school, finished college, gotten a master's, and am currently getting a JD. I know I do it basically b/c when I'm not working and distracted by something else, I feel horrible.

I guess I always figured that if I did the right thing long enough, treated people fairly, and kept my resolve that it would eventually just pass. I can't shake this one though... every time I feel like maybe I'll open up to somebody I just get bombarded involuntarily with feelings of worthlessness. Whenever I accomplish something big and I know I should feel good about it that old feeling returns of inadequacy.

As cliched as this may sound, I feel like my soul is just starting to wear thin. I'm tired of feeling mediocre - terrible most of the time abbreviated by days where I feel nothing at all.

I don't know what I'm looking for. I don't want to take medication and counseling is purely a band aid... I feel better for a while but quickly regress. I'd much rather just talk to my friends over a couple beers but a similar reaction happens and I don't.

Any less conventional advice out there?

Regular Member

Date Joined Feb 2006
Total Posts : 344
   Posted 11/27/2007 6:13 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi Mulelogan,

Welcome to HealingWell! I hope you'll find some of the support and advice that you're looking for here. It's truly a great group of understanding and compassionate folks who look out for eachother.

I can completely relate to your post. I also tend to be a "work-aholic" who pushes myself way to much. To the point, where even my bosses are telling me to go home and encourging me to take time off!

But, the feelings you describe can be worked through using a good therapist who is trained in cognitive therapy techniques. Since, I disagree that therapy is "purely a band aid," it can be a life changing experience, but only if the person is willing to do a great amount of work and is willing to change.

Probably, not what you'd like to hear, but having dealt with depression for the past 16 years, and just beginning to understand that I can only make myself better rather than waiting around hoping for some miracle to happen that will make it go away all by itself, I've finally realized that it usually doesn't go away all by itself unless I take proactive steps to get rid of it myself.

Best of luck and please continue to post! To me, it's a great release, it's free and I don't have to worry about paying an outrageous bar tab and stumbling home drunk! :)

New Member

Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 15
   Posted 11/27/2007 3:50 PM (GMT -6)   

Hi Mulelogan,

Sadsong is so right about needing to want it.  I wanted to be off meds for depression, migraine and dehydration for so long, but it wasn't until I took action that I was able to accomplish it.  I too have those empty days when I don't let myself anticipate or hope.  It is a trap.  If I let myself begin to give in to the darkness, it will overcome me.  The tapes in my head keep running about my worthlessness and berate me for my weaknesses.  I just had to rewrite the tapes.  It took a long, long time, and it took a good therapist, to get those tapes together.  The old ones start playing when I am tired and overwhelmed by life.  It is easier to hear the new ones when I am busy with today.  I pray that you will find your way through this time.  It is only temporary if you want it to be.  I also know of the terror of starting a new way of thinking and giving up the familiar.  This is not an easy challenge, Mulelogan.  It is one of the hardest things to overcome about depression.  Letting go of the familiar feelings and thoughts that formed my own self-image was frightening because it meant that I needed to reshape that vision of myself.  It is an ongoing process.


getting by
Forum Moderator

Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42610
   Posted 11/27/2007 6:40 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Mulelogan,

I too put a brick wall around myself and hid myself in my projects. I became a workaholic. I felt as long as I didn't get close to people I wouldn't have to open up to anybody and that way I couldn't get hurt. I wanted no part of the human race. I hated people. It got really lonely.

I still do keep to myself a lot but not because I am afraid, I just like being alone. I still have trust issues with people, but I am not so afraid anymore. And if I do get hurt in the process, I finally realized that it isn't me like I thought it was. If people are mean or disappointed with me, that is their problem, not mine. This world can be a cold hard place, but we can overcome being afraid of the pain.

I had to do it with medications. Something finally clicked along the way. I have a good psychiatrist and psycologist. I am very lucky. Not everybody can say that.

Learn to take pride in your accomplishments. Try not to be so hard on yourself. You are a good person worthy of friendship and love. Look for one thing good in each day, your life will work itself in time. I just know it. Live, love and learn.

getting by.
fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue, clinically depressed and allergies

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