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New Member

Date Joined Dec 2007
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 12/3/2007 8:02 PM (GMT -6)   
I don't want to bore anyone so I''' try to make it short and just give the highlights of the situation...

*off/on again with BF for 6 yrs.
* preganancy/miscarriage
*he cheated and has admitted that no matter who he is with atthe time he will always want somethin new.
* we are currently in a "weird state"
* he says he loves me because of all our history together but that he is not IN love with me.
* he is willing to TRY to for an 'us' because of the history and because I am sick and he feels bad if he would leave me at this point but he can't make any guarantees and he too is weak and has never dumped anyone..instead he makes himself an a** so that the other person will dump him first.
*I'm at such a low point in my life that I'm willing to do anything to try for the 'us' even though he is not in love with me.
* I know he is interesteed in someone else .
& all of a sudden it seems like he's erased all the love he had for me at one point and does not even know if he ver relaly 'loved' me for my mind or if it was just my body....can you believe it..after 6 yrs he asks himself this?
* anyway, I'm at the lowest point in my life..I have not been to work....everythign hurts..my body..my mind..I can't wat...
* last time we spoke he says he feels he really has not dated and wants to before he gets to old..we are both 27.....but he wishes he could go out and then come back to me.

I don't know what to do..I'm at a very low point in my life right now..WHAT can I do? I relaly have NO ONE to talk to...or confide in.

Regular Member

Date Joined Dec 2006
Total Posts : 424
   Posted 12/4/2007 1:58 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi Bella,

Ahhh, that must be so painful. After 6 years of knowing someone, to hear those things. I hope deep down you know that you are worthy of having someone who will truly love you more than anyone else on the planet and will stick by you in the way you really need and dream of. I know when things hurt it is easy to settle for something that is less than our dreams, and I know how hard it can be to let go of someone when you have a history together, but do you really think you could be happy with someone that has and will continue to cheat on you? You deserve so much better than that. He sounds very confused and unstable, and even if he has some sort of love for you, relationships take more than love to work. They take committment and faithfulness, wisdom and compatibility and lots of toher things too. I would just say to think about all your positive traits and dare to beleive that if you give it time, you'll meet someone who will see the amazing you that you are and who will have the maturity to love you in a way that will be healthy and long lasting.

Others here I'm sure will have some good advice for you about how to help treat the depression you are feeling. I hope you'll feel better soon and that life will start looking up.

take good care of you bella. You deserve it and we are routing for you here! yeah -manyembers

Veteran Member

Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 12/4/2007 7:10 AM (GMT -6)   

Wow,I am not even sure where to start. He is basically asking you for an open relationship on his side anyway....what if you told him that you wanted to date and then come back to him?

Listen, you are in a relationship with mental abuse,and you do not deserve that. I am assuming from your post that you have been faithful in the relationship..so why would you settle for less on his side?

When I first started therapy the first thing I heard was " in order to get better you have got to change your environment."...it took me a year after that,but I was in a physical and mentally abusive relationship.

Maybe he doesn't hit you,but... sometimes I think the mental abuse can be worse.

Also, it seems that he is not ready to settle down. That is not your fault..what will probably happen is that a few years down the road after the women he has decided to cheat on finally get sick of it and move on,he will be alone and wondering why.

Please take a good look at your life, is it healthy? Do you deserve better? Do you want to get better?

Please use this site,we will do our best to help you,but you have to take the first step.....
I have found some info on the net..

Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia
Meds I have taken throughout the years:Wellbutrin,Tranxene,Paxil,Prozac,Valium,

Have been med free for 2 years now.


Regular Member

Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 67
   Posted 12/4/2007 9:49 AM (GMT -6)   

I know this is going to sound hard, but move on. my ex bf did something kind of like yours, but a bit differently. We had been together for almost three years when he walked out on me and told me he needed a break and then he moved away. Telling me he was going to get settled and send for me. It never happened. He got fired from this job he took and had absolutely no where to go so he came to live with me and my parents, because I had no place to go when he walked out on me. He stayed here, we got back together, but I had this funny feeling he was not faithful or truthful with me. Some nights he would not come home and said he was mad at me and was sleeping in a rest stop. Well I was besides myself calling him wondering where he was and he'd come back like nothing ever happened. It drove me mad. I had a hospitalization, he never once came to see me even though he said he was on his way, called everyday to see if I missed him and then suddenly was moved out. Called everyday to say he missed me and loved me but never came by except one night when i was exhausted and accused me of something and took off. I forgot to mention that he was abusive to me. He beat the crap out of me on several occassion and spit in my face and called me all kinds of names. I filed charges, but later dropped them. He moved to NC, but the police officer that took my statement filed assult charges against him too. So we went to court and the weeks before court he would call and say how much he missed me and that he was going to take me to NC and havea good life. After court, I helped him get his charges dismissed, he was on the phone with someone and then suddenly ran out of the court house and I followed and he jumped into a car with some woman and they called me telling me they were together and how dumb I had been to even think we were getting back together. OMG that hurt and really took me down.
Your on and off relationship will probably never work out. Let him go. The only way you will let him go is to have to contact, as much as it sounds awful, it has been the only saving grace for me. I loved this man, even despite the abuse, battered woman syndrom, thank god for therapy. You deserve someone steady. I know what you are feeling and how it hurts like hell, and the anxiety you must be feeling. Do it for yourself NOW. I'm 34 and it's been one long and exhausting road, but I think I am going to be ok. I'm unemployed, thanks to him, and I still live at home, but the worst part of it all is I have not finished school yet and I am scared as hell as what I am going to do for employment! My mind races and my heart pounds at the thought of never being truely happy in life. Go on and make yourself happy!!!
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