Speaking Up

I've dealt with depression on and off for the past 3 years. In the past two months my depression has become much more severe. I was diagnosed with a chronic illness at 18 (3 years ago) and I know this is the source of my depression. I am lucky that I am not experiencing many symptoms at this time and lead almost a completely normal life outside of the doctor appointments and daily medication. However, I have EXTREME anxiety, fear and sadness from this diagnosis. I don't have an extremely clear idea of the challenges I may or may not have to face as I get older and I cannot bring myself to ask because I'm terrified of the answers. I know that I should be positive and that by choosing to stay in the dark I'm choosing fear.

My parents and closest friend know that something's up. I hardly ever find the motivation to leave my apartment and see my friends and my parents know that I sleep away pretty much every day because they wake me up when they call at 2pm.

My problem is that I cannot for the life of me just vocalize why. I have so much pent up inside of me I feel like once I start, this whole flood of issues and tears are going to come out and I want more than anything to not do that. I saw a school counselor the other day and 1) I could hardly talk about ANYTHING (not even my darkest fears and sadness) without a quivering voice and on the verge of tears and 2) couldn't even make myself be honest with her (an objective, confidential, non-judgmental stranger)

I have a loving, supportive family and friends and I know I need their help. HOW do I make myself get over it and just open up? Does anyone know of any method that's helped them?

I would appreciate it so much. My mom just flew halfway across the country to see me and try to help and she leaves the day after tomorrow and I have yet to open up to her and know that I need to.

Thanks so much.

Bunny

First of all I want to welcome you to the forum,I am sure you will find the support that you are looking for.

I think it is time for you to go back to the doctor and tell them about your depression,there are so many different meds now that can help you with the anxiety and depression.

Also,I used to have the same problem with not being able to talk about what was going on in my head...until I found this site that is.

Use it for all of those feelings,you will not be judged here and this is one of the places where you can go and be somewhat "normal" for a while.


Shy

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Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia
Meds I have taken throughout the years:Wellbutrin,Tranxene,Paxil,Prozac,Valium,
Lexapro,Zyban,Buspar,Clonazepam

Have been med free for 2 years now.

www.healingwell.com/donate

Bunny,

Welcome to Healing Well and the Depression Forum.

^{“Only Thing We Have to Fear Is Fear Itself”: FDR’s First Inaugural Address}

Shy and Kitt are right Bunny,

You need to open up, look what you have done by joining the forum. I am sure you shed a couple tears while writing. It is healthy to cry. It lets all of those pent up feelings out.

Try to talk to your mom before she leaves. But if you can't you know that you can here. You have got to let it out and then you can begin healing.

Keep us posted, we are here for you sweetie. We will listen to anything you have to say. And the folks here are not judgemental. You will get good advise and an open ear. We are here for you.

Good luck,
you have taken the first step by posting, keep up the good work.
Hugs,
getting by

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fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue, clinically depressed and allergies

thanks, you guys.
even though I know this advice seems simple and I know it myself in one way or another, it just seems different hearing it coming from someone else. It's difficult to take your own advice.
and it helps knowing other people experience the very things that make me feel so alone.
so, thanks. :)
I am seeing my school counselor again on Monday and I'm going to spend the whole time with her on working on sharing my feelings.

Hi Bunny,

I know exactly what its like to not be able to share your thoughts and feelings with people. Its not that you dont want to, you just physically cant. Its kind of like stage fright or something. An idea for you might be to write it down. Things are so much easier to express when you write, and you dont get confused or feel like youre going round in circles and there is so much less pressure on everyone. I did it once and sat there while the other person read it and I really found it easy to talk about it after they had read it. It was just that I couldnt speak the words that I had a problem.

I hope that helps anyway and you have had a nice time seeing your mum.
Kate

Hi Bunny
Please keep us updated on your appt with the counselor...and so that you don't forget anything you could always print out your posts from here and take those with you.



Good Luck

Shy

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Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia
Meds I have taken throughout the years:Wellbutrin,Tranxene,Paxil,Prozac,Valium,
Lexapro,Zyban,Buspar,Clonazepam

Have been med free for 2 years now.

www.healingwell.com/donate