Posted 12/5/2007 12:12 AM (GMT -6)
I've dealt with depression on and off for the past 3 years. In the past two months my depression has become much more severe. I was diagnosed with a chronic illness at 18 (3 years ago) and I know this is the source of my depression. I am lucky that I am not experiencing many symptoms at this time and lead almost a completely normal life outside of the doctor appointments and daily medication. However, I have EXTREME anxiety, fear and sadness from this diagnosis. I don't have an extremely clear idea of the challenges I may or may not have to face as I get older and I cannot bring myself to ask because I'm terrified of the answers. I know that I should be positive and that by choosing to stay in the dark I'm choosing fear.
My parents and closest friend know that something's up. I hardly ever find the motivation to leave my apartment and see my friends and my parents know that I sleep away pretty much every day because they wake me up when they call at 2pm.
My problem is that I cannot for the life of me just vocalize why. I have so much pent up inside of me I feel like once I start, this whole flood of issues and tears are going to come out and I want more than anything to not do that. I saw a school counselor the other day and 1) I could hardly talk about ANYTHING (not even my darkest fears and sadness) without a quivering voice and on the verge of tears and 2) couldn't even make myself be honest with her (an objective, confidential, non-judgmental stranger)
I have a loving, supportive family and friends and I know I need their help. HOW do I make myself get over it and just open up? Does anyone know of any method that's helped them?
I would appreciate it so much. My mom just flew halfway across the country to see me and try to help and she leaves the day after tomorrow and I have yet to open up to her and know that I need to.
Thanks so much.