Its really strange to read this and not think of myself. I am also 16. I have been through this also. I have had these same thoughts as you, but have never written them completely down as you did. Mine started before yours and was a little ahead of yours. You said Oct was when you decided you had a problem and wanted help I guess. Mine was in June and July. It got really bad then and I have never felt so down as I did those 2 months. It was awful. I know just how you feel. I hit a point where I realized what I was doing was a horrible thing. I could not stand to live that way any longer. I tried desperately to call out for help. My school counselor was no help to me. She was great at just talking, but not taling about my real problems. Everyone seemed as if they were no big deal.
My parents did not listen to me. I took it upon myself and this summer, I found this place. I noticed you felt better after posting. I did as well. Its great to find a place that is full of people you never knew existed that are just like you. Everyone here cares so much. They understand. Its a free place to be in. In my imagination if this place were real, the atmosphere is so warm and relaxing. Everyone understands. Everyone listens. We are one. We are all the same.
As for me, it has gotten better. I did go to to the doc for another health issue and I am on meds. I have felt better on them. And I dont feel so bad anymore. I still feel discinnected from the world around me, but I just think of it as a good thing! I make the most of what I have! I think I have gotten away from most of the bad. I pray that it gets completely better. And I hope you start to get better as well. Try your best to stay positive. Other people told me this as I am telling you, at the time I just said 'Yea right, how could I possibly be positive.' But, now I try and it really does help. Just remember that you can and will get better. Be patient.
I hope you can find relief and get better soon. I know how it is and I wouldnt wish what I felt on my worst enemy. But, getting out of it is the best feeling in the world! I am still getting there, I still have down times, but I try to remember that I will bounce back. I hope you can find yourself, and get better. I hope you can start to enjoy life for what it is. Life has so much to offer and you should have the pleasure of enjoying it. Good luck on your journey and I wish you the best of luck. Happy Holidays!
P.S. Sorry this is so long. I ramble! Take care!
"Sometimes when I say 'Oh Im fine' I want someone to
look me in the eyes and say 'Tell the truth'
"Cracks in the concrete are just reminders that you fall apart
no matter how strong you are"
"You asked what was wrong and I smiled and said, 'Nothing' then I turned around and whispered...'Everything'
talk and laugh too loud...its because I am trying to forget that I am sad."
"Sometimes it is best to forget what you feel and remember what you deserve"
"Im going to
smile like nothing is wrong, talk like everything is perfect, act like its all a dream, and pretend its not hurting me."