Hey there More,
Merry Christmas. I am glad your writing. I am so sorry you are going through this however coming here and talking about this as well as sharing it with others is the best thing to do.
There is something comforting about baring your soul to the members of Healing Well and still being able to be anonymous.
When we are young our core values, our beliefs in who we are and how we should act are set usually with the help of our parents, teachers, peers and others we come into contact with.
Sometimes these values or beliefs about ourselves are inaccurate but because that is what we learned we do not recognize that those values really are not who we are.
Your family went through a very difficult time, a divorce and the family as you knew it broke apart. IMHO it seems like you are just now starting to understand that you have been behaving the way you think people, expecially your Father wants you to behave.
In reading your post you want to please your Father but behaving the way he expects you to is not who you are or what your beginning to recognize is in step with how you feel.
The person you really need to please is yourself. Not being able to say what we think, feel or want is part of low self esteem.
You are a good and deserving person. Please feel free to keep writing here as we are here to support you.
I am wondering if you have access to a counselor through school should you feel you need someone to talk to in person other than your family.
Take care of you and keep posting.
Moderator Anxiety ~ Panic Disorders
*~* Not a mental health professional at all *~*
Dx: Anxiety/Panic, Depression, GERD, Osteoarthritis
*Wife of a Crohnie*