Post Edited (More) : 10/3/2009 2:55:43 AM (GMT-6)
You are doing a great job recognizing that you are depressed and working on a solution. Making an appointment for help is a great first step.
Hello there, I am glad you felt comfortable coming here and posting.
I am sorry for your problems but your right, depression can get better with lots of hard work and a good therapist. Medications are another tool that are sometimes necessary for some people.
"but now I came to realize that all my problems lead back to my dad.To him im nothing."
IMHO, it is not about your Dad but about how you let yourself feel inferior and this is your self-esteem. Yours needs some work as you are a good person, but you need to know that. You do not need validation from others.
Your self-esteem is the way you look at yourself. If you have good self-esteem it means that you like yourself and you believe that you are as 'OK' as everyone else. If you have poor self-esteem it means that you believe that you are not OK, or that you are inferior to others.
Your self-esteem can affect how you feel, how you relate to other people, how you deal with challenges and how relaxed and safe you feel in your daily life.
Start with baby steps and working with your therapist to learn to build on your worth and not let what others say or what you think they feel send you into depression. Believe in you...........you are a good and decent young man.
I am very sorry about your sister.
Post Edited (More) : 10/3/2009 2:56:48 AM (GMT-6)
Its really strange to read this and not think of myself. I am also 16. I have been through this also. I have had these same thoughts as you, but have never written them completely down as you did. Mine started before yours and was a little ahead of yours. You said Oct was when you decided you had a problem and wanted help I guess. Mine was in June and July. It got really bad then and I have never felt so down as I did those 2 months. It was awful. I know just how you feel. I hit a point where I realized what I was doing was a horrible thing. I could not stand to live that way any longer. I tried desperately to call out for help. My school counselor was no help to me. She was great at just talking, but not taling about my real problems. Everyone seemed as if they were no big deal.
My parents did not listen to me. I took it upon myself and this summer, I found this place. I noticed you felt better after posting. I did as well. Its great to find a place that is full of people you never knew existed that are just like you. Everyone here cares so much. They understand. Its a free place to be in. In my imagination if this place were real, the atmosphere is so warm and relaxing. Everyone understands. Everyone listens. We are one. We are all the same.
As for me, it has gotten better. I did go to to the doc for another health issue and I am on meds. I have felt better on them. And I dont feel so bad anymore. I still feel discinnected from the world around me, but I just think of it as a good thing! I make the most of what I have! I think I have gotten away from most of the bad. I pray that it gets completely better. And I hope you start to get better as well. Try your best to stay positive. Other people told me this as I am telling you, at the time I just said 'Yea right, how could I possibly be positive.' But, now I try and it really does help. Just remember that you can and will get better. Be patient.
I hope you can find relief and get better soon. I know how it is and I wouldnt wish what I felt on my worst enemy. But, getting out of it is the best feeling in the world! I am still getting there, I still have down times, but I try to remember that I will bounce back. I hope you can find yourself, and get better. I hope you can start to enjoy life for what it is. Life has so much to offer and you should have the pleasure of enjoying it. Good luck on your journey and I wish you the best of luck. Happy Holidays!
P.S. Sorry this is so long. I ramble! Take care!
Hey there More,
Merry Christmas. I am glad your writing. I am so sorry you are going through this however coming here and talking about this as well as sharing it with others is the best thing to do.
There is something comforting about baring your soul to the members of Healing Well and still being able to be anonymous.
When we are young our core values, our beliefs in who we are and how we should act are set usually with the help of our parents, teachers, peers and others we come into contact with.
Sometimes these values or beliefs about ourselves are inaccurate but because that is what we learned we do not recognize that those values really are not who we are.
Your family went through a very difficult time, a divorce and the family as you knew it broke apart. IMHO it seems like you are just now starting to understand that you have been behaving the way you think people, expecially your Father wants you to behave.
In reading your post you want to please your Father but behaving the way he expects you to is not who you are or what your beginning to recognize is in step with how you feel.
The person you really need to please is yourself. Not being able to say what we think, feel or want is part of low self esteem.
You are a good and deserving person. Please feel free to keep writing here as we are here to support you.
I am wondering if you have access to a counselor through school should you feel you need someone to talk to in person other than your family.
Take care of you and keep posting.
Post Edited By Moderator (ShynSassy) : 12/30/2007 5:49:22 AM (GMT-7)
Post Edited (More) : 10/3/2009 3:01:36 AM (GMT-6)