Wow, Jeannie! Sorry to hear that Life has dealt your family a blow. I second what Lanie said in its entirety.
Having moved back in with parents myself and having "housed" siblings on 4 separate occasions, I can share with you that everyone was always most happy with an agreed-to plan before the move-in took place. Nothing heavy-duty or a contract but, a very clear understanding of how each of us could best get along for the agreed upon time we would live together. Set expectations.
The plan and the understanding & respect for each other will hopefully make your time together more enjoyable than not
The plan for SIL to get a local job should be first & foremost (IMHO). A "free" period of time was always allotted in my cases but, there was always "rent" involved at some point in time. (Especially for the long-timers
. There were moments of tension but, all in all, they are now cherished times for each of us.
Don't let yourself take a back seat either, Jeannie. As Lanie says, you're no good to anyone if you let yourself slide. There's no reason to really. You're providing your kids a chance to get back on their feet without a mortgage/rent payment to make. That's a huge generosity right there. The rest is gravy. It doesn't absolve them of having to live Life (get a job, save, buy groceries, etc.).
Ask yourself what you are most stressed about
and try to approach reducing that first. Is it meal planning? Financial security? Feeling taken advantage of? Try to narrow it down to something you can articulate in the plan or understanding with the kids & hubby, too.
Jeannie, you're always such an inspiration to others. You're there to give us the support and encouragement (and the kick in the pants) when we need it. I hope you can do the same with your new tenants; that they can get back on their feet quickly and with confidence because of the encouragement you provide. That's your goal (IMHO
We're hear for ya! (Even if I'm a little slow to respond sometimes
- Phishbowl (Type 1 since Jan'05 - Levemir, NovoRapid)
"What's Not Measured Is Not Managed"
"It is impossible for a man to learn what he thinks he already knows"-Epictetus